The HobbiT's HabitaT

I Hate Running

2011-10-10T01:49:00.001+10:30

I hate running.
I really do.

I think it's something to do with not pacing myself well.
The feeling like my heart is going to burst and the itch on my legs is almost unbearable at times.

I've managed to successfully dodge RunNat for 2 years now.
Each time I do it, I always wind up feeling a tinge of regret.
"You're such a wimp. Can't you even do 5km?" my conscience jeers.

So somehow, I stumbled into this year's run.
Due to a new-Christian friend's child-like enthusiasm.
Though I largely blame myself for inviting him to Coalition 58's concert at the Dream Centre.

And I know.
I could have said "No".

But I have this weird way of thinking about stuff I don't want to do.
Stuff I'm afraid to do.

Somehow, I always feel, that it's God's way of nudging me to do it.
So I did it anyway.

And so this very reluctant participant woke up on Saturday morning, the 8th of October 2011 to run.
Very grudgingly.

While I was on the way there, I was still arguing with God in my head.
"I can pray at home what. I don't need to run. EVERYBODY says it's NOT about the run. So why should I run?"

Deep down inside, I knew, in some way, it IS about the run.
Maybe not for Victor, the founder of RunNat.
Maybe not for the committee, or the ambassadors.
Maybe not even for the nation.
But for me, it would be.

You see, I always ask myself, "What price are you willing to pay?"
I was willing to start my working life in an NGO.
I was willing to march the streets of KL to fight for clean and fair elections.
I was willing to shower an old lady who could no longer clean herself.
I was willing to teach a child with learning disabilities.
I was willing to learn to love someone that the world deems unlovely.
But I was just too lazy to run 5km.

Does that seem strange to you?

I guess at the end of the day, we all have to pay a price.
Because if it costs you nothing, then perhaps it isn't worth anything either.

But King David said to Ornan, "No, but I will buy them for the full price. I will not take for the LORD what is yours, nor offer burnt offerings that cost me nothing." 1 Chronicles 21: 24

How can I ask of the Lord to bring truth, righteousness and justice to a nation that needs healing, when I'm not willing to get out of my own armchair?

David,acknowledged his sin, and in his repentance, looked to God, and paid the price.
Am I willing to take up this cross, to confess and ask for God's mercy and forgiveness for Malaysia?
Am I willing to pay the price, of literally pouring my sweat into this?

Honestly speaking, He already IS at work, and He doesn't NEED me to run and pray for the nation.
God ALREADY has Malaysia in His heart and has great, wonderful, indescribable, unfathomable plans to redeem it.

But the running and the praying is for me.
I'm the one who needs it.

I never would have realized how focused I can be when I run and pray at the same time.
I never would have stopped and realized that actually, there's quite a lot of greenery right next to the highway.
I never would have gotten the chance to be "plastered" on a road sign.
I never would have imagined I can actually conquer the hill that is Jalan Maarof.
I mean hey, even my car has difficulty climbing that hill.

Have I changed my mind about running?
Not totally.

But it's a reminder to me, that I shouldn't cheapen my offering.
A token of convenience isn't something I want to waste my time giving.

Incidentally, NOT doing something, also comes at a price.

I counted the cost.
And to me, it was worth it.

'Til the break of day

2011-09-27T03:24:00.000+09:30

Recently, I was at my company's planning retreat. And the opening song was "Give me oil in my lamp".
And suddenly it hit me.
After singing it for so many years.
Suddenly I saw it.
You only need a lamp when it's dark.

And if you're waiting for the break of day... it's gonna be a long wait.
You're probably tired. Sad. And alone.
Coz who's gonna sit up with you to wait for the daylight to come?

Last Sunday was the first time, in a long time, that I was happy to be in church.
No, let me rephrase that.
Last Sunday, I was excited that I was going to meet God in church BEFORE the service started.
The excitement, the anticipation of meeting your best friend, just because.
It was not because of the great sermon you know you're gonna hear.
Or the amazing cell members you'll meet in church.
Or the fantastic worship you know is gonna happen.
It's just coz... He's there.

About halfway through the worship, I was hit by another thought.
(Yes, it's true. I actually think when I'm worshiping.)
And the thought is this: It's easy to be in awe of God when you're on the mountaintop.
For us city folk, that happens about once a year. At best.

It's easy to sing on Sunday, "God, I stand in awe at Your presence".
Or "Down at Your feet oh Lord, is the most high place".
But down at the beggars' feet... not so hot.

It's not easy to be in awe of God when you've got a broken heart.
It's not easy to be in awe of God when you're stuck in a traffic jam. Every day.
It's not easy to be in awe of God when your boss likes to change her mind. Every 30 minutes.
It's not easy to be in awe of God when you're cleaning your baby's poop. Again.
It's not easy to be in awe of God when your husband just WILL NOT throw his socks in the laundry.
It's not easy to be in awe of God when your loved one is slowly, but surely, losing their mind.

But take heart. For the daylight will surely come.
Thankfully, it is He who will give us the oil to keep the fire burning.
It is He who IS faithful, who will help us TO BE faithful.

And when that day breaks upon your shadows of your heart, you will stand.
In awe.

A Farewell Poem

2010-08-27T14:47:00.003+09:30

Well, you have all been so kind

I hope you won't mind

What I'm leaving behind

If I have been blind

Or sometimes have whined

I hope you forgive

My sins all combined

So I'm in a bind

I won't be defined

Or even confined

You all can unwind

Now I have resigned

But, when I dine

I know...

That friends like you

Are truly...

So hard to find.

A Living Eulogy

2010-08-12T11:20:00.000+09:30

Love the Lord with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your might.

Love your neighbour as yourself.

All my life, since I've known Jesus

This is what I've tried to do

I pray that I have been a blessing to you

Wherever you go, whatever you do

I pray that you know Jesus loves you too

I know I've been selfish and sometimes unkind

I hope you'll forgive me after some time

Please know, that you have been a blessing

To me, yes, it's true

The love you have shown me

In all that you do

I hope you see Jesus in all of my life

His grace is sufficient,

In Him you won't strife

_________________________________________

So, if I were to die tomorrow,

This is what, I would want to be read.

I know God's not done with me,

Or else I'd be dead.

But somehow there still is...

This strange sense of dread

What is wrong with me?

I lie on my bed

Regret that You made me?

No, 'twas for me that you bled

There's much left unsaid

Children unfed,

Me, still unwed

My poor aching head

Oh Lord,

I know... You're ahead

Make what You will of me

By You, I'll be led

I'd be lying

2010-07-14T03:00:00.006+09:30

*Disclaimer: This post may offend you. I also do NOT know everything, and these are my personal opinions. So please bear that in mind when reading this post. Consider yourself informed.

I've been trying to go to bed. But either the night is too warm, or I'm too frustrated.

It's probably both.

So I'm trying to figure out just what's bugging me.
I guess there's a lot.

So it seems to me that the topic of idolatry has come up several times.
I've had to question myself as to what that means.
Coming from a South East Asian country, most of us figure it to mean a physical object that depicts some god or goddess.

But I'm just thinking... sometimes more subtle things can become idols. Things that could be good. Things that start to make us love God less. For example...

Property. Most people who are trained in econs will probably tell you that you should buy a house before you buy a car. Property appreciates but cars depreciate. Good thing to have, right? But what for? Putting aside the accumulation of wealth, a lot of people would say they buy property to have some security. So... security means having a house? So what happened to "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding?"

How about love? Here's a tricky one coz most of us will define love differently. But humour me. I shall stick to the popular perspective of love. Some of us can become slaves to our emotions. Some of us already have. And I'll be the first one to admit that I'm one of the most vulnerable to this. I can be so caught up in wanting to feel good, to feel loved, to feel accepted, to feel appreciated, to feel wanted. But in the end, emotions are subject to situations. How we feel often distracts us from the truth. I will often go through periods when I don't feel loved. Does that mean I'm not loved? Far from it! The Bible tells me that nothing, absolutely NOTHING can seperate me from the love of God.

The TRUTH of the matter is that neither angels nor demons (yeah, all those hantu and kiong si or whatever demons you have in your head), neither the present (what comes today) nor the future (2 minutes from now), nor any powers (your boss, your government, your parents), neither height (think Mt. Everest and above) nor depth (imagine being swallowed by an earthquake), nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. That's the truth. Whether I choose to believe it or not. Whether I feel that way or not. There it is.

Ok, some people say, "I just want to be happy. I don't care how I get it, I don't care about the future, I just want to be happy". Happiness is a strange thing. You know, the wisest man in the world says "Laughter is foolish".

Really? You sure he's the wisest man on earth? Who in their right mind would say that?

He even goes on to question, "What does pleasure accomplish?"

Quite a good question, I think.

One most of us have probably never really tried to answer for fear that we will come to only one conclusion.

Ok, maybe we should talk about knowledge. Most people would agree knowledge is power. Great thing to have. I'm definitely pro-education. Up to a point. God gave us brains for a reason. We should use it to glorify Him. The problem is when we start getting a little too smart for our own good. When we start abusing the knowledge we have. Or we start bashing people who just aren't as well-informed as us. I like how Paul puts it. "We know that we all possess knowledge. Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up. The man who thinks he knows something does not yet know as he ought to know. But the man who loves God is known by God". (1 Corinthians 8:1-3)
So knowledge, too, can become an idol.

So far I've covered security, love, happiness and knowledge. Each of these things, and many more can become our idol. Many people I know pursue money which seems to buy not just objects, but security. I'm once again reminded of Job who had everything his heart desired. He was not a wicked man. In fact, he was a righteous man. But everything was stripped from him. Wealth that had been accumulated over many years gone in the blink of an eye. How many of us can guarantee that we will not suffer the same fate?

Love. The bible is very clear. "You shall not make for yourself an idol, whether in the form of ANYTHING that is in heaven above, or that is on the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth". (Emphasis my own). I can speak from my own personal experience that my idols weren't cast in iron. They were made of flesh and blood. Some were pretty decent-looking. Not scary at all. Looks like the guy next door. Kinda sweet and funny. Gentle and caring.

Lovely to look at. Nice to hold. Put him right back, before your soul's sold.

I know, it's quite a cute line, isn't it? But seriously.
I've often questioned myself as to what the all-mysterious will of God is. What exactly IS that?

It's quite simple, really. I was shocked to find out.
But God's will is for us to be holy.
That's it.
But holiness comes with a price.
Obedience.

Being obedient sometimes means giving up something I really want.
Because I want Jesus to be the one that I love the most, I have to give up anything that I might possibly give all my love to. Like a future in Australia. And my career choices. Or partners who may cause me to stray.

Jesus already paid the ultimate price for me to be sanctified.
Now it's up to me to be obedient to Him.
It's hard. It's freakin' difficult at times.
But it's gonna be oh-so-worth-it in the end.

If I keep taking matters into my own hands, I won't be able to boast of God's goodness and faithfulness.

I'd only be able to credit it to myself.
And we all know that if I said that I'm something...

I'd be lying.

A prayer for your son

2010-07-05T11:25:00.004+09:30

This was initially written for my 'Kai Jie's' coming-soon baby boy.

But I thought it would be nice to share with my friends who have little boys who are either on-the-way or have already arrived. Nothing against little girls! I will probably write one for them soon. =)

So to all those little tots in blue, here is one especially for you:

May your eyes see good in others

May your lips speak words of kindness

May your feet be quick to bring Good News

May your hands be ready for Him to use

May your shoulders be broad to lift up others

May your ears be open to people's troubles

May your mind be ever-questioning

But may your faith be a child-like thing

May you lead a righteous life

And likewise,

May you find such a wife

May you have courage to stand up strong

Hold to integrity all life long

May you have mercy on those who need it

Seek out wisdom, you will receive it

All these things I wish for you

But most of all, this, I pray you do

Know your God, the Lord of Hosts

Jesus Christ, who loves you most

Joy and Peace, you shall find

The Love and Hope of all mankind

Hope you guys enjoy it! Feel free to use it, but credit it to me, ok!

Love,

Qian

It is very good

2010-06-17T15:52:00.005+09:30

I've been thinking about my mom a lot lately.

My mom likes words.
I think they mean a lot to her.

I think my mom was blessed to have not just one, but four children.
Not because we're such wonderful kids. But because I just can't imagine how amazing it is that God's hand is working within your very being.

As it is, I often have trouble imagining God is with me all the time. How much more that God is not only with me, but He's within me, designing every detail of my baby.

"For You formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb.
I praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are Your works; my soul knows it very well". - Psalm 139:13-14

I hope I'll be a mom someday.

It is a wonderful privilege God has given exclusively to women.

That He would come so close to us.

A man will just not be able to comprehend it.

You know how they say a pregnant woman has a glow about her?

I believe it's because she's in the presence of God who is constantly at work within her.

Presumptuous?

Perhaps.

But the Bible also talks about Moses' face being radiant after being in God's presence (Exodus 34).

And there's no denying that God is certainly the One who has placed His fingerprints on every single child in their mother's womb.

That means me.

That means you.

And that means my mom as well.

I know my mom has been fearfully and wonderfully made.

I hope she knows that too.

(Maybe I'll print a copy of this for her)

I've also had thoughts of all the moms of children born with disabilities.

If any of you are reading this, you know what?

God has planned and designed your child to be exactly the way he/she is.

And they have also been fearfully and wonderfully and beautifully made.

God sees them, and thinks that it is very good that they are as such.

He made them, after all. =)

They are absolutely, without a doubt, covered with the fingerprints of God.

The one who is blind,

The one who is deaf,

The one who is in a wheelchair,

The one who is mute,

The one with Cerebral Palsy,

The one with Down's,

The one with Autism,

The one with Epilepsy,

The one with Trisomy 13,

The one with with ADHD,

The one with Asperger's,

The one with Dyslexia ,

The one with whatever-disability-that-I-have-forgotten.

God. Made. Each. One.

And God saw everything that he had made, and behold,

it was very good - Genesis 1:31

More Undignified

2010-04-27T17:33:00.005+09:30

So, I've been reading up on the OT.
The readings have now come to David.
I've always been intrigued by him.
Not many can claim to be "a man after God's own heart".

One of the things about David was that he danced and he sang.
Now, I don't know about you, but I perhaps have a very "jakun" mindset about how David used to sing and dance. But the story goes that the ark of the Lord was coming into the City of David.
And David, was so excited! He went down to Obed-Edom to personally see the ark come to the city. And he was rejoicing! (2 Sam 6:12)

Verse 14 tells us that David danced before the Lord with all his might. Now, bear in mind, David isn't some weakling. Or some guy who does ballroom dancing. (No offense to ballroom dancers. I'm a huge fan of it). This is a man who has gone into battle and fought thousands of soldiers. He probably looks something like this:

Ok, maybe not so scary. But you get the picture. I mean, David obviously must have been some kinda dancer if he danced with all. his. might.

So much so, that his wife, Michal "when she saw King David leaping and dancing before the Lord, she despised him in her heart" (v. 16). And when she speaks to him (he's the king, btw), she says "How the king of Israel has distinguished himself today, disrobing in the sight of the slave girls of his servants as any vulgar fellow would!" (v. 20)

Michal is Saul's daughter. She was brought up as royalty. And now she sees the manner in which King David is carrying himself, and obviously has a distaste for it. I mean, hello! Imagine what this is doing for her image as the queen!

And this is David's reply: "It was before the Lord, who chose me rather than your father or anyone from his house when He appointed me ruler over the Lord's people Israel - I will celebrate before the Lord. I will become even more undignified than this, and I will be humiliated in my own eyes. But by these slave girls you spoke of, I will be held in honor." (v. 21 - 22).

There's 2 things I ask myself:
1. Have I missed the point?
Michal had been blinded by the legalism of things. Getting caught up in how her husband, the king, was behaving rather than rejoicing that the Presence of the Lord was coming back into the city! This is such a significant moment! Finally, after many years, God is going to be reconciled to His people again. And. she. misses... it.

2. Am I willing to be more undignified than this?
You know, reading this passage, this video comes to mind.

Quest Crew... they're doing it for themselves.
But David, he danced in the Presence of God. "I will be humiliated in my own eyes". Half the time, if I'm really honest, I get lost during the worship. My mind travels to what I need to be doing after church. Who I forgot to call. Did I switch off my headlights? Where's my parking token? Or "Hmm... who shall I go for lunch with?"
And even when I'm "present", I'm thinking, "Can I agree with these lyrics? Is it Biblical? If they are, dare I sing it? Should I clap? I'm not really a clappy person."

Sigh... when did I become like this, huh?

So, God. I've come to the conclusion that You gotta help me.
To keep my eyes focused on You.
To dance the dance of life with all my might.
For Your glory.
For Your kingdom.
Amen.

2010-03-05T14:24:00.004+10:30

I am weak.

And it's ok.

2 Corinthians 12:8-10.

Negaraku

2010-01-08T17:08:00.002+10:30

Negaraku, tanah tumpahnya darahku
Rakyat hidup, bersatu dan maju...
Rahmat bahagia, Tuhan kurniakan,
Raja kita, selamat bertakhta.
Rahmat bahagia, Tuhan kurniakan,
Raja kita, selamat bertakhta

Lord give us grace.
May the land on which our bled is shed be a holy and peaceful land.
May its people live in unity and harmony.
May Your peace which surpasses all understanding reign in our hearts and minds.
May love be the means to justice.

God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. (1 John 4:16)

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails.

May we emulate Christ in showing love to our fellow man.
Help us Lord, to be patient and kind to those who persecute us.
To be humble and selfless when we feel we have the "right" to be proud and selfish.
May we not be easily angered by recent and not-so-recent events.
May God give us a good memory to remember the good deeds of our neighbours, and make us extremely forgetful in recalling their past mistakes.
May we not be gleeful at the misfortune of our enemies.
May we continue to trust that You are Lord over this nation.
Give us hope for Malaysia, that we may persevere for the love of her.

I don't wanna wait...

2009-11-26T15:45:00.002+10:30

I don't wanna wait...
To start the journey.

I don't wanna wait...
To be thankful.

I don't wanna wait...
To be intimate with You.

I don't wanna wait...
To stop criticizing.

I don't wanna wait...
To enjoy the quiet.

I don't wanna wait...
To care for others.

I don't wanna wait...
To dream dreams.

I don't wanna wait...
To start learning.

I don't wanna wait...
To start obeying.

I don't wanna wait...
To start loving.

I don't wanna wait...
To start trusting.

I don't wanna wait...
Til' I am unafraid.

I don't wanna wait...
To live in the moment

I don't wanna wait...
For my life to begin.

I want to LIVE!
So help me God.

Reflections from Cambodia

2009-11-17T14:15:00.003+10:30

I wasn't really sure what to expect. But it was unexpectedly... touching.
I think the entire trip consisted of meeting such extraordinarily interesting people, I was just so amazed. I don't know why I did not expect that...

One of the first few places we visited was the Genocide Museum and the Killing Fields. The museum was pretty interesting, but depressing, of course. I tried walking among the "cells" that the inmates were detained in. Not only do you feel claustrophobic, but there's this feeling that if you peer into the cells, you'll find someone, just skin and bones curled up on the floor.

The Killing Fields was a totally different. I'm not sure how the others felt, but I think it was probably quite different for them. Now I know the Killing Fields ought to be a place that feels depressing due to the violence and cruelty that was shown to the Khmer people, but when I saw the place, I saw a lot of greenery. There were trees and grass that grew over the mass burial grounds. It was quiet and felt rather peaceful.

I couldn't help but think that truly God is an awesome God. That He should take a thing that was ugly and tainted, filled with the stench and memory of death, and give it beauty and life. The grass that grows over the sunken ground that was meant to bury the dead showed me that truly His Life has conquered even death.

We took a boat ride through a floating village called Kampong Phluk. Beautiful place. Just enjoyed the cruise, looked at the lotus plants, and the mangrove. Took some time to be still on the waters.

As we were going back, we stopped at the floating village to have lunch. It was the most delicious fish I've ever tasted! But God had a more important lesson to teach me than where to get good fish. =)

There was a blackboard at the "restaurant" which had the title 'Dictation' written on it. A friend of mine, who has written a very beautiful piece on what a beauty pageant in heaven would look like, asked the boy who was serving us if he could dictate, and the boy would write. With much enthusiasm, the boy said 'Yes!'.
So our friend taught him a song. 'I've got peace like a river'.

When he encountered a word he didn't know, or didn't understand, he whipped out a dictionary, much to our surprise! We later found out how it came to be that some of the children in this kampung could speak English so well. It's one of the projects under the UNDP, and they come every few months to teach English. And some of the members who come from YMCA Singapore know Lucy, who was part of our party of 6 during this trip. And this boy from the fishing village, Veasna, knows some of these individuals from Singapore. The smallness of the world reminds me of the bigness of my God. And how much smaller is one single human, and yet, He knows each and every one of us. Even 11-year old boys in small fishing villages.

O Lord, our Lord,
How majestic is Your name in all the earth [including Kampong Phluk]!
... when I consider Your heavens,
the work of Your fingers,
the moon and the stars,
which you have set in place,
what is man that you are mindful of him,
the son of man that you care for him?
[and yet,] You made him a little lower than the heavenly beings
and crowned him with glory and honour.
- Psalm 8:1, 3-5 -

Where can I go from Your Spirit?
Where can I flee from Your Presence?
If I go up to the heavens, You are there;
If I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
If I settle on the far side of the sea,
Even there your hand will guide me,
Your right hand will hold me fast....
[I can scarcely believe that] You created my inmost being;
You knit me together in my mother's womb.
- Psalm 139: 7-10, 13 -

We also met a beautiful hawker-stall waitress who sells the most delectable jack fruit shake, who really DOES remember you. (She could recall what one of our friends ordered the night before). A very handsome dancer (who used to work in a hotel front desk) in the cultural village who speaks fluent Mandarin. (He told us the best spot to sit for the show so that we would be sitting under the fan). We also met a French man who lost his eyesight due to an accident a year ago. He used to be a 3D motion graphics animator. He knows Kanji and thinks he's pretty lucky. (How many of us would be able to say that if we had been rendered blind?) He now manages the business although he cannot design, and has created job opportunities for those who are physically disabled, but have the necessary skills to become graphic animators.

A friend enlightened me as to what makes the human voice truly unique from any other instrument in the world. And taught me that a wise person learns to tell the difference, not otherwise. That I must be specific. And made me question whether what I do, whatever that may be, is done in love. Most of all, this friend makes me ashamed. Ashamed of my own cowardice. Wherever he goes, he brings Life so easily.

Oh, that it were so easy for me!

Lord, help me to be brave.
Brave enough to move out of the middle ground.
Brave enough to say 'hello'.
Brave enough to not settle for the status quo.
Brave enough to love You.
To truly love You.
Lord, help me to be brave.

WHO KNOWS AS HE OUGHT TO KNOW?

2009-11-03T16:28:00.002+10:30

The man who thinks he knows something does not yet know as he ought to know. But the man who loves God is known by God.

On Writing

2008-11-09T17:55:00.004+10:30

A writer I know said, "Keep writing. Even if it's just rubbish, just keep writing".

So, forgive me if a lot of rubbish comes out in this post, but I just feel I need to "keep writing" before I go insane. Ever felt like that? No time to reflect, and so it all just sorta "comes out" in your blog posts.

Let's go back a bit to the "no time" part. I find it increasingly hard to take the time to reflect. A friend told me you can't make time. Only God can do that, so you gotta take the time. I don't know about you, but have you ever felt, when you REALLY don't wanna take a good look at yourself, you fill your time with movies, going out, exercising, reading, blogging, talking, meeting up with old friends, and hey! whaddya know, you've got no time left! The rest of the time is working, eating, sleeping and travelling, of course.

I read a book that was sharing about a lady who guarded her time with God jealously. JEALOUSLY! Wow... I wanna have that discipline. And yet, I dread it. Can I bear to look at myself, to just be who I am? To look myself in the eye, and acknowledge that I really, truly am a wretched being?

Deep down inside, I KNOW that I'm unworthy. That's what makes it difficult to receive grace. I don't have much trouble receiving something I earned or deserve. It's when I know I don't deserve it. Some may say, it's such a privilege. And of course it is. I can't fully explain how come it's so difficult for me to receive grace. I'm sure some can accept it readily. I have my moments as well. Guess this current season just isn't one of them.

And all the while, I'm hating my job and loving it at the same time. (The children are really cute).
Of course it's meaningful work. But shouldn't all jobs be? All work is ministry, right? What's wrong with doing what you like? It doesn't have to be confined to churchy stuff to be meaningful, right?

I think the problem is that I don't feel like my LIFE is very meaningful at the moment. Sorry, let me rephrase that. I think my life doesn't FEEL very meaningful at the moment. And of course the tendency is to blame my job, coz that's the thing I dread the most at the present time. But as it stands, everything else in my life is a mess. My emotions, my thoughts, things in church (confusion sets in as I've kinda got one leg in each church at the moment), friends, boundaries, my relationship with God.

What have I done to You? Or rather, what have I done WITH You? Have I allowed you to feature in my life? Or am I trying to be the star of my own show? Have I nurtured our relationship? The way a man does with His wife? Have I taken initiative in knowing You more and more? Sigh... Where am I? What am I doing? When my life ends, what shall I say to You? I really tried hard to do the work you wanted me to do? Somehow I don't think that will really be of interest to You.

I was blessed by this song today. It reflects my feelings well.
I thank God for His grace and creativity in this friend to have written it and bless myself and others.

I Want To Want To - Markus Ng

God I don't know, I don't know
I really want to, but it doesn't show
My projections, my convictions
Muddled mess, so much confusion
I don't know,
I don't know.

What do I say when You've heard it all
Excuses, lies, remorse, more lies
Yet still I dare to mouth them words
I'm sorry for how much it hurts and disappoints

I'm not perfect, but I'm gonna try
Seek the truth and apply
I want to honestly repent
Give you my 100%

I want to want to love You
As You love me too
I want to want to live life
As You'd want me to
I want to want to honour You
More than anything I want to want to

I'm not there yet, but I'm trying
Pushing on, oh I'm striving
Wait for me, I'm arriving
So help me God
So help me God.

I'm Back

2008-08-04T20:55:00.003+09:30

I think it's about time I came back to redeem my blog. Sigh... I've missed writing. There's so much to tell. But I'm not sure who there is to tell it to. The few readers that I have probably have stopped reading. But it's ok. It's my space.

Well, let's start alphabetically. Church.
Not sure where I wanna go anymore. But at the moment, I'm attending SIB.
I sometimes wonder how come I'm attending SIB. I was brought up in an Anglican church. Man... and SIB is about as charismatic as it gets. All the happy-clappy ppl are there. Weirdly enough, the senior pastors of SIB are from the brethren church. Hehe...

Family. Well, we've moved to subang. Still trying to adjust. I do so hate traffic jams. I think the family's doin alright. Usual Sunday family meetings. Tuesday dinners.

Love life. Non-existent.
I'm cool with it though. I notice that I occasionally crave male attention, though. But at least I'm aware, so I can guard my heart and my mind.

Work. I love the children. That's about it.
I hate the fact that the centre is so far. I hate the fact that my job pays me peanuts. I hate having more financial responsibility just because I have a steady income. Sigh... growing up, at this point in my life, is not a process I enjoy.
__________________________________________________

On a side note: SIB is doing 40 days of prayer and fasting using Give me 40 days by Freeda Bowers, as well as the NECF pray and fast for Malaysia this month.

You know how ppl always quote "by His stripes, I am healed"? Yeah well, would you guys PLEASE read in context???? What is the Bible really saying??

Let's look at it.

1 Peter 2:22-24
22(AT) He committed no sin, neither was deceit found in his mouth. 23(AU) When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten,(AV) but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly. 24(AW) He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we(AX) might die to sin and(AY) live to righteousness.(AZ) By his wounds you have been healed. (ESV)

Hello!!!!!!! It's about being reconciled to God because of Christ's sacrifice! Not about receiving physical healing, or proclaiming with the authority of Christ that you are entitled to have a healthy, happy, prosperous life.

Sigh... so with regards to the 40 days of prayer, well, the enthusiasm has died. How can I see this as a covenant time between me and God when the stuff that comes out of the book is biblically inaccurate?

Well, I've learned to recognize, that this is one of the 'lows' of life. I'm just starting to feel it more because I have no identity, no support from a particular church. I feel so stranded. Is it wrong to want to have leaders you can support? Or should we always be content with who is serving, and console ourselves with the fact that all have sinned and have fallen short of the glory of God?

Dance. Well, that's another kettle of fish altogether. Maybe another day.
Now, I need sleep.

Another year come and gone

2008-03-28T17:10:00.002+10:30

Well, it's just another year.
Is it normal for people to have less fun on their birthdays as they get older?
Or maybe it's just rotten timing. Who wants to have their birthday on Easter?
Kinda sad, ain't it?
But ah well, I should count myself lucky. Pity the fellas who are born on 29th February.

But then again, it could just be the fact I've turned 23. More of a sobering fact than a reason to celebrate. Time to grow up, right?

I wanna get out of here. I need my space. Ever felt so claustrophobic even though the whole house is empty? I want to be independent. I want my own kitchen. My own room. It's not that I don't like people, and it's not that I wanna party hard. But I want the option. If my lifestyle is going to be anything like Adelaide, I'll probably be a very good girl who stays home and does her laundry every week, cooks most of her meals, and cleans her room. But I want to have a place where my friends don't feel uncomfortable. A place to just chill out. Does that make sense? Is it weird to want freedom and independence in a collectivistic culture such as ours?

Sigh... unemployment. It sure is no fun. As much as I know chasing after riches will lead only to ruin, I can't help but wish I had the money to do as I please. I don't love money itself. But I love what money can buy. And I hate that I do.

A year on... and this is where I am. Nowhere.

Just A Thought

2008-03-10T17:54:00.002+10:30

I was having one of those moments.
You know... those daydreaming moments. In which you often dream about things that seem so impossible.
I actually had this thought quite some time ago. But it re-occurred to me as I was driving to church yesterday morning.

The traffic on Sunday mornings is fantastic! Usually the weather's great as well. The perfect time to drive. Coz there's so little traffic! Then it hit me that that's such a sad thing!

Shouldn't I hope that more people go to church? Shouldn't I hope that there'll be such an outpouring of people wanting to know Jesus, that they're fighting to get a parking space? Wouldn't that be the most fantastic kind of traffic jam ever??!!??

And hopefully, by that time, Jon Foo would've set up a Malaysian Christian radio channel, and everyone's listening in. You can just roll down your windows, and talk to the people in the car next to you. Sing the songs together! Or just have a chat. Even better, if they're non-Christians! Hahahah! Be a witness for Christ! Drive considerately! Oh, stop me now! Tell me I'm dreaming of the impossible! But who knows, eh? I say anything is possible, with the Lord Emmanuel (God with us).

It's been awhile.

2008-01-14T03:39:00.000+10:30

Wow... almost two months since my last post. I almost forgot about this space. Almost. =)

I feel I've aged a decade in those two months. No time for reflection. No time to be quiet. Yes, again, I encounter the same problem. The horrors of silence. It's amazing that I wanna go away to force myself to be still. Do hard things.
Anyway, I know it's a little belated, but I'm gonna make a list of resolutions for 2008. For the first time in my life, I'm making a list.

Resolutions for 2008:

1. I will be happy for Chiam.
2. I will find a job that I like.
3. I will buy insurance.
4. I will (hopefully) buy a new car.
5. I will learn to get over myself.
6. I will love more.
7. I will laugh more.
8. I will live more.
9. I will sing more.
10. I will pray more.

Here's to 2008! It's gonna be awesome.

Where I've been....

2007-11-27T12:09:00.000+10:30

For those who've been wondering where I've been and what I've been doing.
And for those who haven't, well, you can have a look anyway. =p

Wedding Bells

2007-11-19T12:03:00.000+10:30

And just like that, the wedding season has begun!
Two dinners, and I've already turned into a big ball of mush. Useless.
Anyway, indulging in my mushiness, I was thinking of what songs I would like to have at my wedding, and I was just surfing through some website that had lists of wedding songs. And I came across this song which brought a tear to my eye.

Amy Grant - Father's Eyes
I may not be every mother's dream for her little girl.
And my face may not grace the mind of everyone in the world.
But that's all right as long as I can have one wish I pray.
When people look inside my life, I want to hear them say.

CHORUS:
She's got her Father's eyes, her Father's eyes
Eyes that find the good in things, When good is not around.
Eyes that find the source of help, When help just can't be found.
Eyes full of compassion, seeing every pain.
Knowin' what you're going through, and feeling it the same.
Just like my Father's eyes, my Father's eyes, my Father's eyes
Just like my Father's eyes.

And on that day when we will pay for all the deeds we have done,
Good and bad they'll all be had to see by everyone
And when you're called to stand and tell just what you saw in me,
More than anything I know, I want your words to be

CHORUS:
She's got her Father's eyes, her Father's eyes
Eyes that find the good in things, When good is not around.
Eyes that find the source of help, When help just can't be found.
Eyes full of compassion, seeing every pain.
Knowin' what you're going through, and feeling it the same.
Just like my Father's eyes, my Father's eyes, my Father's eyes
Just like my Father's eyes.

The bomb just dropped.

2007-11-03T05:46:00.000+10:30

I got rejected. ='(

Maybe I'm not Crazy

2007-10-25T12:43:00.000+09:30

I came to a realization today.
I. Am. A. Control. Freak.
Guess who I wanted to control?
Yup, that's right.
God.

Of all the bodoh things, right?
Even though I may want good things, I can't demand that God give them to me.

I want to be more passionate. I want more joy. I need more patience, God! I want to feel loved, I don't feel You, I want to be closer, I want, I want, I want!!!! Faster!!! Why You're still not here wan??? You said if I come near, You will also be near what!!!!

Man.... I must sound like a total brat to God.

If you pick up Rick Warren's 'Purpose-Driven Life', the first line is this: "It's not about you". And people buy this book! It's madness, isn't it? And yet, so true. Sigh... Qian... when will you see?

My darling friend said, you CAN'T manipulate God. Although it is TRUE that God will draw near to you if you draw near to Him, He doesn't say WHEN.

Not only am I a control freak. I'm such an ungrateful being. Out of God's grace does He give good gifts. Who am I to demand them? They are, ultimately, a gift. How can I say that what He has given me thus far is not sufficient?

I am governed so much by my emotions, that I forget the truth. The truth that He IS there. Despite how I feel. And He loves me. And HE wants to reach out to ME.

For we walk by faith, not by sight. I have to trust that His timing is perfect.

Have you ever noticed...?

2007-10-12T11:08:00.001+09:30

How you can never forget the things that you REALLY wanna forget?
Like...

Breakups
Embarrassing moments
Stupid things you said

I notice I tend to replay these things a lot in my head.
Which is why, probably those closer to me would have noticed, I sometimes talk to myself.
Usually it's to tell the other person (the person from my past [in my head] who made me feel bad) to shut up, or to tell my head to shut up totally.
My brother says I have a very sensitive spirit. I think he's right.
Read this to understand more. I think I fit squarely into that category.

Feelings of rejection (which are actually insecurities about my own abilities)
Negative self-talk
Inferiority complex
Lack of self-confidence
Haunted by my past.

Sounds like I'm totally psycho, right? But I don't think I'm alone in this. A lot of people go through the same stuff. Maybe not all at once, but at some point or other. Having said that, all these things are closely linked. So... you could be just like me. ;)

I'm not sure whether I lack a love of myself, or I need validation of other people's love for me.
In my head, I *know*there are people who love me. I just don't *feel* loved.
But should love for myself be dependent on whether others love me?
*smiles wryly*

Waterworks

2007-10-08T12:44:00.000+09:30

The waterworks at Hobbit Sdn. Bhd. have been working overtime.

The hobbit is....

2007-10-06T12:51:00.000+09:30

Lonely
Depressed
Annoyed that she's lonely and depressed
Sad and forlorn
Grieving for the loss of a friendship
Annoyed that she's not happy
Irritated that she's still at square one
Missing friends in Adelaide
Amazed at how quickly men find new counter-parts
Stunned
Wondering if it was all a lie
Wondering if men are really jerks, or I'm just too boring
Thinking, maybe men don't leave women. Maybe they just leave me.
Not sure what her defining characteristics are. Everybody seems to have one except me.
Broken-hearted
Losing her mind
Thinking, maybe life just ain't worth living
Wishing that it would All. Just. Stop.

It's not about me.

2007-10-02T18:01:00.000+09:30

Sarah: Don't look inwards. Look upwards.

Ps. Jonathan: Don't look at yourself. Focus on Jesus.

Erin: When you look at how beautiful God is, the beauty of the world just fades away.
______________________________________________

Well, I think it's about time I got the message.
So many people say that we should keep busy when we're trying to get over something/someone. But you can have a lot of busy-ness and your head is either numb or obsessing about the issue. Neither of which is healthy.

I've been miserable. But of course I'm miserable! I keep thinking about how freakin' miserable I am! Time for a change in perspective. Focus on the prize.

Focus, Focus, FOCUS!!!!!

What's up, World?

2007-09-26T11:07:00.000+09:30

I guess I should put up something since I've "disappeared" for so long.
Well, what can I say? I've started work. Just some temporary work to tide me over til I get an answer from SMBC. Hopefully that will be soon.

So, Davin is leaving tonight. =( Oh well... I may see him soon enough. Maybe. =p
Anyways, life is... well, as interesting as it could get, I suppose. I think the question that plagues us all when we start working is, "What on earth am I doing here?" At this point, I have to ask whether I'm fulfilling my purpose in life. I thought I had such a clear idea about what I wanted to do. I suppose I could be doing something more in line with what I wanna do.

Ooh, which reminds me. A lot of you have asked me what I wanna do when I graduate, and why I want to go to bible college. Well, look no further than here. This is just a short description of the type of organization I wanna work in. Fortunately, there's a home in Sydney, which I hope to liaise with while I'm studying.

I know I've had a couple of depressing posts lately. Well, I've decided that I'm gonna stop being depressed. For now, at least. I really do believe in the power of choice. We choose who we wanna be. And yeah, I guess you can't choose your emotions. But you can choose not to let them control you. =)

Ok, on to the next thing that has been on my mind for a couple of weeks. So, some of you may know that I've been struggling with the issue of grace. So, I cleverly went and bought myself a book called "What's so amazing about grace?" by Philip Yancey. It's proven to be quite good so far. =) Just some quotes I've "stolen" from the book.

"God has granted us a terrible agency: by denying forgiveness to others, we are in effect determining them unworthy of God's forgiveness, and thus so are we. In some mysterious way, divine forgiveness depends on us." (p.88). "For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins." (Matthew 6:14-15).

"But the very word forgive contains the word "give" (just as the word pardon contains the donum or gift). Like grace, forgiveness has about it the maddening quality of being undeserved, unmerited, unfair. (p. 88) "Only the experience of being forgiven makes it possible for us to forgive." (p.90).

Romans 12:19 says, "Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay,"says the Lord."
"Forgiveness is an act of faith. By forgiving another, I am trusting that God is a better justice-maker than I am. By forgiving, I release my own right to get even and leave all issues of fairness for God to work out." (p.93) "A cease fire between human beings depends on a cease-fire with God." (p.93)

Yancey takes a passage from Henri Nouwen, which I find reflects my own nature.

"I have often said, "I forgive you," but even as I said these words my heart remained angry or resentful. I still wanted to hear the story that tells me that I was right after all; I still wanted to hear apologies and excuses; I still wanted the satisfaction of receiving some praise in return - if only the praise for being so forgiving! But God's forgiveness is unconditional; it comes from a heart that does not demand anything for itself, a heart that is completely empty of self-seeking. It is this divine forgiveness that I have to practice in my daily life. It calls me to keep stepping over all my arguments that say forgiveness is unwise, unhealthy, and impractical. It challenges me to step over all my needs for gratitude and compliments. Finally, it demands of me that I step over that wounded part of my heart that feels hurt and wronged and that wants tot stay in control and put a few conditions between me and the one whom I am asked to forgive." (p.92)

So, what am I writing all this for? Well, the issue of grace often starts with forgiveness. "We forgive not merely to fulfill some higher law of morality' we do it for ourselves... When we genuinely forgive, we set a prisoner free and then discover that the prisoner we set free was us." (p.100).

I think the main issue I have is not that I need to extend so much grace to others. I have been blessed in that I've not been wronged in such a horrible manner. No, rather I feel I need to extend more grace to myself. It sounds so weird. But after all that's been said and done... I still find the hardest person to forgive is yourself. You look for forgiveness from the people you've wronged, from neutral parties, anyone who would listen. You know that God forgives all who truly repent. And to deny yourself forgiveness would cheapen God's gift. In essence, you're really saying that His sacrifice is not good enough to forgive your sins. At the very heart of forgiveness and grace is, faith.

Joylessness

2007-09-11T21:10:00.000+09:30

I don't know how else to describe what I feel.
It's like I'm going through the break-up all over again.
How many of you know that I hate being alone? Yeah, I guess most of you know that by now.
I really HATE this feeling of loneliness. Maybe more than the loneliness itself is how unhappy being alone makes you feel.
What am I doing this for????????????????
Why put up boundaries and bother being a person of principle when it makes me so miserable??????????????
Sigh.... Oh Lord.... give me eyes to see what You see.
I could be happy. But temporarily. When will I truly be contented? When will I get over him????? ='(
I want to run away. Just curl up and die.

Sigh... I know I'm being an idiot. But... I thought the worst was over. Now I'm discovering that it's just begun. Now, I'm REALLY alone. No one to turn to. No where to hide. It's just me. And the gaping emptiness inside. Oh, when will I learn? When will I know? Lord, reveal Yourself to me.

C'MON GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I didn't come all this way for nothing!!!!! *Bangs fist on table* I REFUSE to believe that You are not here, and that You are going to abandon me. WHERE got such thing??? Just because I don't feel You, doesn't mean that You're not there. Help my unbelief.
__________________________________________________

I keep thinking I wanna find love. It's coz I want to feel something warm and fuzzy. But true love isn't a feeling. True love is a verb. An action. Love is a choice.

What I really need is to PERSEVERE. Man... it's hard to continue to work hard, to have faith and to press on, ESPECIALLY when everything else around you tells you that you're an idiot. Maybe God REALLY is gonna make me wait 40 years in the desert. Man... I don't think I can wait so long wei. *C'mon, Qian.... TRUST*
__________________________________________________

Ok, that's it la. I can't pretend I'm ok. I'm not. I really feel like crap. I know I should have moved on. I know that I should have faith. I know that I should persevere. I know that God will prevail. But AT THIS MOMENT, I really feel like the pain is never going to end. All I want to do is bash my fist into the wall to release endorphins to help me deal with the pain. I want to cry. I want to release all this pent-up frustration. It's not like I'm trying to be something I'm not. I'm not pretending. I really do believe in those things above. But I'm also human. And all my human-ness is crying out for someone. People who die, who I'm not that close to causes me to cry buckets of tears because it reminds me of loss. Pavarotti. I'm not remotely close to the guy! I hardly even listen to his music. But to know that he's gone, woosh! Suddenly I'm flooded with emotions. Everything within me just wants to bash someone... crush something... run till I collapse. And MAYBE at the end of that, I'll find the release I've been looking for.

='(

Grace vs. Manpower

2007-09-04T20:56:00.000+09:30

Where does one draw the line between accepting grace, and deliberately choosing not to sin? If I choose not to sin, does that mean I haven't fully accepted grace? Or do I just accept that I will always sin? But I can't use God's grace, and my own sinful nature to take away the responsibility of keeping my actions in line.

"Notice how God is both kind and severe. He is severe toward those who disobeyed, but kind to you if you continue to trust in his kindness. But if you stop trusting, you also will be cut off" (Romans 11: 22). How freaky is that thought??? If I don't believe/accept God's grace, and try to take on my own burden, I'm gonna be cut off from Him. Man... either way, I have no choice. I gotta believe that God is gonna redeem me, and will continue to do so.
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To all in Adelaide, hello!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I miss you all!!!!!!! Malaysia is... hot. But not suffocatingly so. It's been raining quite a bit. Life is... strange without you guys. I have such a big change in my routine now. Although I hope it doesn't quite stay this way. In Oz, I go to church for 2 services, and class once a week. I go to OCF, and prayer meeting. So much of my life revolves around Christian activity. It's good. I like it. But now, I feel there's so little of that kind of activity here. I need to keep myself busy. It's been less than a week, but already I feel frustrated.

I wonder where this is all going...

My a-ha! moments

2007-08-08T22:57:00.001+09:30

I was speaking to Pastor Jon today. I really thank God so much for great leaders in my church. Just like Solomon, I feel he can answer any question. Nothing that I ask is too difficult for him to answer. (Read 1 Kings 10:3).

So, he says, all the work that I do is not work. It's worship. I love God, and so I desire to please Him. I need to keep my eyes on the prize. Don't stop looking at God, because that is precisely what the devil wants. "Look at you" he whispers. "You call yourself a Christian? Can you believe what you were thinking? You don't even practice what you preach". I'll never be good enough. I know this. And I can't say, "Ok, this is not my responsibility", because it is. But the distance between where I am now, and where I should be is called "Grace". Do I stop trying? No, I don't. But now the burden is lifted. Because what I do is not work. It's worship. I don't have to try so hard. I just have to look at the cross, and in light of what He did, what I need to do becomes easy. The other thing I realized is that I don't have the resources to be better. Only He does. I can't be more patient, gracious, kind or loving in myself. I need Him to give me those things.

My house mate asked me the other day why I put so many limitations on myself. Why do I bother with so many boundaries if it doesn't make me happy? Well, I think God is more interested in my character than He is in my comfort. He is a good God, and He wants good things for me. This, of course, needs to be seen in light of eternity. If I was only interested in my present state, the sky's the limit as to what I would be indulging in.

Do hard things. I like that. Shout out to daFunkyMonkey for introducing me to the site. Why SHOULDN'T we be challenged? Why should we settle for mediocrity? Should we always give in to pleasure, laziness, and convenience? I should certainly hope not. C'mon, world. BRING IT ON!!!! No matter what you throw at me, there is nothing that my God cannot restore, redeem, and rebuild.

So, in summary:
Aha! moment #1: I need to keep my eyes focused on the prize instead of myself.
Aha! moment #2: I can't make myself better. Only Christ can save me.
Aha! moment #3: I can take on the world, because He has already overcome.

What's your Aha! moment?

What has been happening

2007-08-07T21:01:00.000+09:30

Ok... time for an update.

Well, I went to Sydney, came back, and I've made my decision.
I'm now applying to go to Sydney Missionary & Bible College (SMBC) in Feb 2008. I'll be leaving some things with my friend in Adelaide who will mail my stuff to me when I have an address in Sydney. So right now, I'm still busy with the application stuff. Medical check-ups, so on so forth. So, Malaysian friends, look out for me! I'll be coming home soon. After graduation, that is. Thinking what hairstyle I wanna get for the ceremony. Suggestions are welcome. =)

I've finished re-reading the Potter series. Just finished the final book abt a week ago. It was good. Very satisfactory ending. I can envision the movie already. *grins*
Which reminds me, I was telling Davin the other day, that I still feel I'm a kid. I still want to believe that there are mystical beasts and magical lands waiting to be discovered. Of course reality prevails, but that doesn't mean I can't dream, right? =D

Currently, a most perplexing thought has been haunting my mind. Jesus says "Come to me all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." (Matthew 11:28-30). But I have never felt that His burden was an easy one to bear. Two commandments, right? "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'There is no commandment greater than these." (Mark 12:30-31).

But loving God with all my heart, soul, mind and strength makes me CONSTANTLY aware of myself and the condition of my heart (which obviously isn't a very pretty sight). Loving others is not much easier. Not just because some people are difficult to love, but because in not loving others as I should, I become more aware of how little I love God, and how imperfect I am. So how in the world can this burden be light? I don't see it. I feel more burdened, more weary, having to constantly repent, constantly love, constantly improve, constantly surrender. In thinking and reflecting upon this, I realize that I'm not enjoying the ride. How does one enjoy the ride with so much weight on their shoulders, and knowing that it's not actually their burden to bear? Having said that, I can't very well stand at the edge, and say, "Ok God, You jump." Isn't that just being irresponsible? Sigh...

Ok, enough depressing stuff. My parents and Selina are coming to Adelaide! Wheeeeeeeee!!!!!!

p.s. if there's anything you guys would like from oz, please tell me now so i can allocate cash and space in my luggage. =)

Don't you just...?

2007-07-19T19:48:00.001+09:30

Don't you just hate it when things don't turn out the way you want them to?

For example:
The tiramisu I made came out with the cheese too soft coz the new fridge isn't cold enough.

AND my NEW springform pan is cacat, and has created spillage from my chocolate mud cake.

It's sooooo frustrating!!!!! And it's not just baking. In life, when things don't go your way, or things don't happen at the desired time, isn't it just soooooo annoying????

AAARGGHHHH!!!! God, I never prayed for you to make me more patient!
See, if you actually asked God to teach you to be patient, you'll be right smack in a situation where someone/something will irritate the s*** out of you. Heh. Be careful what you wish for, man.

I'm not asking for too much, right? I just want my cakes to turn out perfectly. Well.. and to find a husband of great character, and to have enough money for life, and to not have to experience the annoying "torn-between-two-worlds" feeling. Hee.

As you can see, this is a syok-sendiri post. =p

Sydney once more

2007-07-05T12:00:00.000+09:30

So, I find myself in Sydney yet again. 3 times in one year, I think that's pretty crazy. Considering I don't really fancy the city anyway. But it's alright. Maybe God will change my mind. Although I find that hard to imagine at this point in time.

So I come one big round in a very emotional fortnight. And what has happened? Too much and too little. Long story short, there are visa complications, and the only feasible option right now is to go home for a few months and start bible college in February. Who knows? Maybe God will make me wait 40 years in the desert before coming into the promised land. I've been forced to change my plans so many times in the last couple of weeks, that I just want to throw in the towel. I'm like, God, whatever la. You do what You wanna do. I'm too tired to do anything already. Seriously. When YOU have made a decision, then You tell me, ok? I'm done trying to figure You out.

*Jeng jeng jeng*

C'mon, Qian!!!!!! You're supposed to surrender already!!!! That was like, a month ago!!! What happened??? Faster la! Just give in only...

So now, I come to a new question. What is it to truly surrender? And not only that, I'm beginning to question whether I'm acting based on what I've heard from God, or what *I think* I've heard from God. Where does God actually begin and the voice in my head stop? I just figured that if it was a good thing, and I did that good thing with pure motives, God would be cool with it.

You know, some people get the thing wrong, so they gotta change direction. And some get the timing wrong, so they gotta wait. How did I manage to screw up both timing AND direction AT THE SAME TIME? So, God, are you telling me to go slow? to grow? or are You just plain outright saying "NO"? I would like to think that this is the right thing, but maybe I've got it all wrong. It's very clearly the wrong time because all the odds are against me.

O Lord, grant me Your peace, which passes all understanding. I'm begging You to hear my cry.

Psalm 13

1 How long, O LORD ? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
2 How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and every day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?

3 Look on me and answer, O LORD my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death;

4 my enemy will say, "I have overcome him,"
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.

5 But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.

6 I will sing to the LORD,
for he has been good to me.
_________________________________________________________

Yes, Lord, You are good to me.
I will remember.
I will hope.

Maybe, I'll see my rainbow today.

The courage to change

2007-07-01T03:10:00.000+09:30

Had an interesting chat with the housemates the other day. Girls are often confused about what men really want. And I'm sure the opposite is true as well. But in actual fact, it's very simple. Men want the best of both worlds. They want the sweet, gentle, submissive girl, who is a bad, bad girl in the bedroom. True? True. At least, that is what I understand from all the guys I've spoken to about it.

There's a whole long argument about whether girls are really good or bad, and I'm not gonna go into that. But I'll speak from my own humble experience (or lack of it). The thing is, I'd rather not lie about who I am, what I am, or how I feel. I'm not a holy-moly, goody-goody two shoes. I like to think of myself as "real". So I'm not gonna act all innocent and naive.

Does that make me bad? I suppose to a certain extent it does. But do I want to come across that way? Not really. I was mortified the other day, when my housemate said, "You're a virgin???" Like it was the most surprising thing ever, and I'm like, "What did I ever do to make you think otherwise?!?!?" *faints*

I can have an honest, open conversation about sex. But how does that translate into "I don't think she's a virgin"? I'm not blaming anyone here, but I'm quite disturbed. What kind of character do I display if I'm giving out this impression?

So what do I do? Do I keep quiet and not talk about sex at all? I think that may give a "holier-than-thou" kind of impression. And I want to be able to relate to other people. But at what expense? At the expense of my reputation? Do I think that this is a wise and healthy practice?

The truth is, I'm not holier than anyone. In fact, I'm probably "worse" than a lot of people. I've made my share of mistakes. But I don't want to remain this way. I want to be a woman of honour and integrity. Sigh... I hope I find a man one day, who won't be interested because I'm "sweet" or "sexy", but because I am a woman whose character would blow him away. To be a woman who is noble and wise, kind and generous, hardworking and gentle. A woman who has inner beauty and strength, and one who fears the Lord. Maybe when I can be that woman, I'll find my man.

But for now, perhaps I should be silent. For even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue (Proverbs 17:28).

My greatest fear is....

2007-06-24T17:36:00.000+09:30

Loneliness.

Alone.

A lone.

One.

It's a lonesome number.
_______________________________________________________

Just when I think that I can't possibly be stripped of anything else, when I think that I've been stretched to my limit, God rips off another piece, another layer that I'm clutching onto with dear life. I feel like Eustace when he was a dragon, slowly scratching, peeling off a layer of skin at a time, and Aslan says, "I will have to clean you". And when he rips off the thick folds of dragon-skin, the pain is excruciating, causing Eustace to scream in agony. Yeah, well, it feels something like that.

I think that because my greatest fear is loneliness, God is slowly stripping me of my security blankets. Chiam, family, the sisterhood, Yang. I thought that I was doing fine without a boyfriend. But after Yang's departure, I see now that I am still afraid. Fill the void. That's what I do best. Find a friend, a crush, a hobby. ANYTHING.

So now, I come to a crossroad. What do I do? Now that I know what God's answer is about the internship, my other option in Adelaide is PCOM. And I don't feel inclined to go to Paradise for some reason. Maybe it's the pre-conceived ideas I have about it. Maybe it's the fact that it's where Planetshakers was founded. So, my other options are: 1)go home; 2)go to Sydney.

Option 1 is tempting. But I don't feel my time in Australia is up just yet. Let's be honest, aight? My spiritual life has had many ups and downs. And I feel Edge has helped enhance my growth and my relationship with Christ a lot. But I don't want my relationship with God to be dependant on my location or the friends I'm surrounded with. The God I know here is the same God that is living and working in KL. I want to make sure that I develop skills, and increase my knowledge of Him that I may constantly be passionate about God and His people when I go back to KL. That's where bible college comes in.

Option 2 is just plain scary. It's expensive. Do I really want my parents to still pay for my education? Will I be able get a job and hold it down? What are people going to say? Will they think that I'm only going there because Paula recommended it? What about the cost of living? How long more do I wanna be a student? On the other hand, bible colleges in Sydney have better reviews. Mercy Ministries is there. BUT.... I'll be alone. Like, ALONE alone. I only know of two friends who are staying in Sydney. (Paula, Ben & Makenna count as one).

NO, GOD, NO!!!!! I cannot take anymore!!!!

And then...

I heard a very soft and gentle whisper.

And the voice which spoke said, "I am there".

WAH!!!!!!! *floodgates opened*

And then...

I heard another whisper. "Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart and lean NOT on YOUR OWN understanding, in ALL your ways, acknowledge Him and He WILL make your path straight".

Remember what I told you, Qian? I know the plans that I have for you. Plans to give you a hope and a future. You know that I will be with you until the very end of the age. Trust me. You can call on me for help and I WILL hear your cry. I promise. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be scared; do not be discouraged, for I will be with you wherever you go. I helped you to be single again, didn't I? I helped you to live in Adelaide without your family. It's ok. I PROMISE that I will walk with you every step of the way. Nothing can happen to you without my permission. Ok?

Ok. *sniff sniff*
_______________________________________________________

So have I decided? Yes and no.

I have decided that I will do what God asks me to do. Or permits to happen.
The life that I've built in Adelaide is not by my own doing. He blessed me with it. I LITERALLY have nothing to call my own. No money to my name, no car, no house, no boyfriend. Nothing. So, I graduate with nothing but my degree. That also only if I graduate. Will I make plans to go to Sydney? Yes. Unless God gives me a very clear sign that I should stay, I will make plans to go.

Am I comfortable in Adelaide? You bet I am. But God is not concerned with my comfort as much as He is about my character. Will it be uncomfortable in Sydney? I'm pretty sure it will be. Am I scared? Heh. *FREAK-OUT!!!* But...

"perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid... we have not fully experienced his perfect love" - 1 John 4:18

Dear Yang,

2007-06-23T16:40:00.000+09:30

I had meant to write you a proper letter by hand, but with the chaos of exams, and your swift departure, I had no chance to do so. I thought, "maybe I'll write one and wait for him to come back before giving it to him". But I think the emotions would not be the same.

I just wanted to thank you. For being an amazing friend to me. You have a heart that is both kind and generous, though your bank account may not always allow you to be so. =p (Quit smoking, dude!) =D You have been a blessing not just to me, but all...ok, most of us in the house. Before you even left, we started missing you already. Gushes of poetry and home-cooked meals, our retarded way of telling you that we love you. Curses for getting to eat Malaysian food are for real though. =p

Who woulda thought we'd miss you this much? You see? Stupid Yang. You have gotten under our skin. Who asked you???? Hmph! >.<
You've created a void in each member of our family here at the-house-so-freaking-near-to-uni-that-after-awhile-you-feel-campus-is-so-
far-even-though-it's-less-than-two-minutes-walk-away.
What're we going to do without you now? The weird thing is, I'm not even really sure what you did, man. Make a few coffees, smoke a couple of cigarettes, listen to all of us whine, walk the dogs reluctantly, eat tons of instant noodles and *BOOM* you've won a place in our hearts. Man... are we easy or what?

So Yang, thank you. For making our lives here in quiet Adelaide so much more memorable. We toast our iced cappucinos, and the leftover chips from Magill BBQ in rememberance of you. =) Yes, we shall miss YOU, the Piglet-toting man, and not your PS3. Life at 17C+D will not be the same without you. We will not be the same without you.

Much love,
From us to you.

*HUGZ*

p.s. I noticed that this is the first time that you didn't say "Damn, I should've studied" after every paper. =D We're growing up, man!
p.p.s. Dan says: f*ck you, yang. I don't miss you. I am jantan. By the powers of gray-skull, I have the power!!!! HE-MAN!
p.p.p.s. Jon says: ....

I Surrender All. I think...

2007-06-18T11:36:00.000+09:30

So, it appears that I can't do the internship program at Edge Church. Apparently I can't extend my visa based on that course, so... if I were to do it, it would be illegal. Heh. I was actually really upset about it. I knew that there was a possibility I wouldn't be able to do it, so I was aware of the situation. But I was still hoping.

Couple of weeks back, I seemed to have so many options, I didn't know what to do with them. I prayed to God that He would shut the door on whichever was not in His will. I prayed and asked, believing God would do His thing, and everything would be ok. I thought that I could surrender, and be able to accept that whatever the outcome was, it was God's will.

Before I even woke up this morning, the song 'I surrender all' was playing in my head. *Lightbulb goes off in Qian's head even though she's still sleeping* I was like, man... You're such a hypocrite, Qian. You thought that you could surrender the outcome to God, but when God actually gives you the answer, you're unhappy with it. I didn't want God's answer. I wanted God to give me MY answer. I wanted God to say, yes, go to Edge. Do the internship. But that's not surrendering His will. That's imposing my will on God. (This is where I have to question whether I'm reading the same Bible as everyone else). It's not MY kingdom come, MY will be done, on earth as it SHOULD be in heaven. It's YOUR kingdom come, YOUR WILL BE DONE, on earth as it IS in heaven.

So, I will be joyful. I will be thankful that God closed that door. Because if I had chosen to do it anyway, it would not have been in God's will. And I want to be in God's will. *Plus it would be illegal, and I'd probably have my butt kicked back to Malaysia*

*Edit*
Sermon notes from 13/06/07:
- Getting what you ask for may not be what's best for your future.
- God will give me the right answer even if it's not the answer that I want.

If you ask for the wrong thing at the wrong time, God says 'No'
If you ask for the right thing at the wrong time, God says 'Slow'
If you ask for the wrong thing at the right time, God says 'Grow'
If you ask for the right thing at the right time, God says 'Go'

*Edit Edit*

"The final irony is this --- when we submit to the will of God it is for our own good. It is to be truly alive. When Jesus submitted to the Cross, there was pain yes, but the Cross was the pathway to Glory and to the blessing of many. We do not lose when we ask the Lord what He expects of us. And obey...Trust and obey. It's still our best move." - Tan, S.I. (2007).
________________________________________________________
No, it's not the hymn version. Go ahead and listen.

All to Jesus I surrender
All to Him I freely give
I will ever love and trust Him
In His presence daily live

CHORUS:
I surrender all, I surrender all
All to Thee, my blessed Savior
I surrender all

And all to Jesus I surrender
Humbly at His feet I bow
Worldly pleasures all forsaken
Take me Jesus, take me now

CHORUS

Lord I give to You, all I ever had
And everything I was, and everything I am
And now I lay it down, I lay it at Your feet
To Your grace, to Your power
I surrender all

Lord, I give myself to Thee
Fill me with Thy love and power
Let Thy blessing fall on me

CHORUS

All to Thee, my blessed Savior,
I surrender all

Thought of the Day

2007-06-17T21:27:00.001+09:30

Everybody is both living and dying at the same time.

Hosanna

2007-06-16T19:37:00.000+09:30

I see the King of Glory
Coming down with clouds with fire
The whole earth shakes
The whole earth shakes

I see his love and mercy
Washing over all our sins
The people sing
The people sing

Hosanna, Hosanna
Hosanna in the Highest

I see a generation
Rising up to take their place
With selfless faith
With selfless faith

I see a near revival
Stirring as we pray and seek
We're on our knees
We're on our knees

Hosanna, Hosanna
Hosanna in the Highest

Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like You have loved me
Break my heart for what breaks yours
Everything I am for Your Kingdom's cause
As I walk from earth into eternity

Unfair? I think so too.

2007-06-14T19:37:00.000+09:30

Ever seen a couple together, and you say, "that girl/guy is so lucky to have so and so"?

Yeah, me too.

What we really mean is, "How come they can get and I can't? What does he/she have that I don't?". Or even worse, 'That guy/girl can do better'. Which of course really means "I deserve someone like that. Not him/her".

Who died and made us God, eh? Are we so perfect ourselves? I'm certainly far from it. No matter which way you wanna look at it, we all have a bit of a superiority complex. We think we're better than everyone else. Unfortunately, most Americans take this to the extreme. =p (just kidding). We think that the world owes us something. Guess there's no need to tell you that the world doesn't revolve around you, eh? Hope you've figured that out by now. GUYS: PAY ATTENTION! THE UNIVERSE DOES NOT REVOLVE AROUND YOU!!!!

Right, back to my point. So yeah, let's say you have a friend who has a wonderful significant other. Should we not be glad for that individual? Instead we bitch about how unfair the world is. Now think about the good things that happened to you. Instead of being thankful, we credit that to our own merit. "I DESERVED *insert good thing here*". Now, whether you make that publicly known, or whether it happens in your sub-conscious, it most probably does happen. So there's no need to justify it. I do it too.

In the grand scheme of things, all of us have it good. All of us got something that we don't deserve, and He got something that He didn't deserve either. That's grace.

Random Jokes

2007-06-12T23:40:00.000+09:30

Psychologist in the making:

In a class on abnormal psychology, the instructor was about to introduce the subject of manic depression.

The instructor asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth, screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"

A young man in the rear raised his hand and suggested earnestly, "A basketball coach?"

_________________________________________________________________

The Difference between the CIA, FBI & LAPD:

The LAPD, the FBI, & the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.

The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling, "Okay, okay, I'm a rabbit, I'm a rabbit!"

- Courtesy of Comedy Central

It's that time again...

2007-06-07T01:44:00.000+09:30

It's that time again! Oh no!!!
Oh well. Another 2 and a half weeks! And I'll be graduating, man!!!! If I pass everything, that is.

Pink Panther

2007-06-02T01:11:00.000+09:30

Bet you've never heard a "Pink Panther" like this before. =)

Mucho gracias to Aaron for introducing me to Bobby McFerrin!
Go youtube all his other stuff, man! I'm telling you, you won't regret it!
This man can go from classical, to jazz, to reggae to whatever. He's crazy!
Check out his "Ave Maria" and "Bach" together! So uber-cool!
_________________________________________________________________________________

In other news, well, at the moment, there isn't any. =p
Just looking forward to the end of the semester. Sigh...

TOTALLY ADDICTED!!!!

2007-05-30T01:57:00.000+09:30

I'm so addicted to this song!!!!!!
I love to dance, so if you also love to dance, go watch Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights.
Javier Suarez!!!! *Drools* He can put his moves on me anytime... *Swoons*

Do You Only Wanna Dance? - Mya

Funny thing is when I look into your eyes
I sense something so sincere in your disguise
You whisper secrets I hear only in my dreams
Then I wake up to your tele-smoke screen
I wait patiently while you play your game
'Cause in the end, I'll be the winner all the same
You'll see clearly when the song comes to a stop
I'll be the one blowing kisses from the top

(So baby, stop) Stop, you're surrounded
(I got my love) Love all around ya
(One wrong move) Move and I'll down ya
And that'll end ya
You should surrender
You'll never win
Unless you give in

(So stop, baby, stop) Stop, you're surrounded
(I got my love) Love all around ya
(One wrong move) Move and I'll down ya
And that'll end ya
You should surrender
You'll never win
Unless you give in
So won't you give our love a chance?
Or do you only wanna dance?

You put your lips very closely to my face
And then you run away and so begins the chase
I'll be the hunter, but boy, you better pray
'Cause when I want ya, I'll get you anyway
You know what I wanna do
It ain't nothing new
I'm tired of dropping clues
So, gonna step to you
Will you rise to my occasion?
Or will you make me change your station?

Stop, you're surrounded
(I got my love) Love all around ya (Uh)
(One wrong move) Move and I'll down ya
And that'll end ya
You should surrender
You'll never win
Unless you give in

(Stop) Stop, you're surrounded
(Oh, I got my love) Love all around ya
(One wrong move) Move and I'll down ya
And that'll end ya (Uh)
You should surrender (Uh)
You'll never win
Unless you give in
So won't you give our love a chance?
Or do you only wanna dance?

If you take my hands
And follow my lead
I'll make you dance (I can make you dance)
But if you get my feet (Get my feet)
And miss the beat (And miss the beat)
Then I can't take that chance (Then I can't take that chance)
If you take my hands (Oh)
And follow my lead (Oh, Oh, oh-oh)
I'll make you dance (I can make you dance)
But if you get my feet (Get my feet)
And miss the beat (And miss the beat)
Then I can't take that chance (I can't take it)

(So stop it) Stop, you're surrounded
(I got my love) Love all around ya
(One wrong move) Move and I'll down ya
And that'll end ya
You should surrender
You'll never win
Unless you give in

(So stop) Stop, you're surrounded (Baby stop)
Love all around ya
(One wrong move) Move and I'll down ya
And that'll end ya (Uh)
You should surrender (Uh)
You'll never win
Unless you give in

(Stop, baby, stop) Stop, you're surrounded
(I got my love) Love all around ya (All around you)
Move and I'll down ya
And that'll end ya
You should surrender
You'll never win
Unless you give in

(So stop) Stop, you're surrounded
(I got my love) Love all around ya (All around you)
Move and I'll down ya (Uh-uh-uh)
And that'll end ya (Uh-uh-uh!)
You should surrender (Uh-uh-uh!!)
You'll never win
Unless you give in
So won't you give our love a chance?

Good Life

2007-05-25T16:31:00.000+09:30

Song of the season:

Good Life - Francis Dunnery

Softly Now,
You owe it to the world
And everyone knows that you're my favourite girl
But there's some things in life that are not meant to be
I'm not meant for you and your not meant for me
Here's to our problems
And here's to our fights
Here's to our achings
And here's to you having a Good life
From Me
Good Life
Softer Now,
You owe it to yourself
And don't think that you will be left on the shelf
Cause there's someone for you and there's someone for me
Like me you'll meet them eventually
Here's to your lover
And here's to my wife
Here's to your children
And here's to you having a good life
From Me
Good Life

Baby Baby Baby Baby
Baby Baby Baby Baby Baby Baby

Louder Now,
You've lost all your pain
You're married with children and happy again
And now I'm regretting the move that I made
Fatal mistakes are so easily made
Enough of my problems they only cause fights
Forget that I rang you
And promise you'll have such a
Beautifully happy and painlessly romantic
Good life
From Me
Good Life

When hope is gone

2007-05-24T20:35:00.000+09:30

My dreams...
My hopes...
My love...
Now, torn apart
Ripped, from the depths of my soul
The stars that twinkled
So brightly within my heart
Now lies like broken glass:
Painful.
Piercing.
And utterly shattered...

"Your wait is futile", I was told
My hopes, dashed.
My heart, crushed.
My dream, destroyed.
A gust of wind,
A light put out.
My fairy-tale - it is no more.
A wisp of smoke - that's all you have left.
A pile of ashes,
And gathering dust.

I hath loved once,
With laugher and joy.
Now, tears of sorrow,
My constant companion.
When will I see?
When will I love?
When will I hope once more?
Oh, quickly!
Return to me, my faint glimmer of hope...

Of women and such...

2007-05-23T00:25:00.000+09:30

My current msn nick: A woman either loves or hates; she knows no medium.

A friend sent me a message: A woman only loves shoes and chocolates. There is no medium or hating them.

And all the sisters say, "Amen".
________________________________________________________

There's been such a lot of surprising things going on lately. Like Julian Hopkins leaving HELP. And Mid Valley raising their parking price. What's up with that? The reason so many people like to lepak there is coz the parking is cheap! Plus Ms Winnee is no longer teaching Intro to RM. But oh well... things in life change. Sometimes change is good. Other times, it's difficult.

So anyhoo, so many couples are getting married this year!!!! I know at least 5 couples who are getting married this year alone. Congrats to Daniel and Eunice. I'm still upset that I was not told personally, but it's ok... Life goes on, as usual.

Anyway, there is a reason why I'm writing this post aside from the obvious procrastination before the next line of assignments are due. And the fact that I feel my blog has been utterly neglected. So, I was reading my friend's blog the other day, and I was utterly appalled at the behavior of some women!!!! You know what men out there are saying???? "Chivalry is dead, and women have killed it". Men are being laughed at for opening doors, standing up when a woman leaves the table, or waiting for everyone's food to arrive before eating. I mean, I'm utterly disgusted. I'm sorry to sound like a guy, but WHAT IS WRONG WITH WOMEN TODAY?????????

Is it wrong to want to be treated like a lady? If you can't appreciate a man like that, please, SEND HIM TO ME!!!! I want a guy who would walk around to the passenger side to open the door for me, who would push my seat in when I sit, and wait for me to leave the table first before walking away. I'm not demanding it, but I can certainly appreciate it. For goodness sake! I would be pleasantly surprised, perhaps. But I certainly would NOT mock someone for being a gentleman.

You wonder why your boyfriend doesn't know how to be romantic, well, there's your answer! And please don't even TRY to pretend like you don't want romance. EVERY GIRL wants romance. Deep down inside, all girls want the fairy-tale. ALL of them. Every girl wants the James Bond, the smooth talker, the charmer, the guy who looks so good in a tuxedo and dances as if it were his second nature. A man who can appreciate poetry, better still, WRITE it. A man who would send flowers or write love letters for no other reason than the fact that he loves you and is thinking about you. Who needs Valentine's day? Wouldn't you rather have a man who shows you that he loves you every day of the year?

And you know what? We all know it's the little things that count. So why are we making fun of men who actually care enough about the little things? The men who actually respect women. Men who treat women as better than equals. The ones who care enough about us to know what makes us happy. To make us feel loved and cherished. Why?

Please, for the sake of all us romantics, even if YOU aren't one, please, don't make a mockery out of chivalry. If a man has the guts to be chivalrous in this day and age, you should commend him. Not scorn his behaviour. The chivalrous man is a dying breed. You know, I would even dare to say that romance without chivalry is empty. What is romantic anyway? A well-practised rendition of "More than words"? I tell you, that a man who professes to love you, yet fails to show it everday by his actions is but a liar.

I don't mean to rant, but really. What is going on???

This week

2007-05-02T01:57:00.000+09:30

Ok, when ppl are commenting, and you don't know who they are, and after a week, comments are still coming in, and you STILL don't know who they are, it's time for a new post! hehe...

So much has happened this week, that I don't know where to start. Ooh! Huey Chi has graciously allowed me to drive her car! So last night, I drove her manual car to Norwood, and down to the city, without accident! Whoo-hoo! And the car only died twice! Hehe... not bad for someone who hasn't driven manual in ages. A little more practice, and I'll be a pro, man! hehehe... ok la... amateur. =p

So, I'm thinking abt what my next move should be. I can't apply for SIR or PR which would allow me to work and study, and I'm not ready to do my masters yet, so I'm probably gonna apply for Bible College. Which one? That's a good question. I have yet to decide. Well, I'm sure God will reveal. Right now, I'm still hoping my hair will grow back in time for graduation. hehe...

I'm seriously contemplating joining the worship team at Edge even though I feel so intimidated. The Edge worship team is so...professional. But utterly biased. They only sing their own songs, or songs from Planetshakers. Haha. Me singing Planetshakers. Hmmmm.... Oh, for those of you who don't know, Mike Gugliemucci has cancer of some sort, so pray hard-hard for him, ok? To those back home, Mike G's dad is the senior pastor at Edge. Not to promo or anything la. It's just that I myself found out recently. But maybe I'm the only ignorant one here. After all, I don't really keep up to date abt planetshakers. Speaking of pastors, the pastor at my church, Ps Nick Resce, is probably gonna go to Bristol for about two years. While I'm sure this is an exciting step for Edge, I'm kinda sad coz I see Ps Nick as my father figure here in Adelaide. And I look forward to his sermons on Sun. Hehe... Oh well.

I think in the grand scheme of things, this is just God's way of showing me that He's gonna be my Dad. Earthly fathers are just temporary. One of the things I had to come to terms with, since I'm not sure when I'll next see my beloved homeland, and my dear father. To surrender the earthly father to the heavenly Father. Man, that's tough. What if I never see him again in this lifetime? Let's not even talk abt family. What if I never see any of you guys again? Will it be like Rubin? Or the basketball guy? Just another phone call, an sms, an email, a message on msn, and that's it? Suddenly, it's over. Man, I need to start living more. So much more.

Anyways, on a lighter note, it was Jez's birthday yesterday! Well, technically, two days ago. Hehe.. HAPPY BELATED, BABES!

She's such a sweetheart. So, this tiny girl, with a HUGE personality, got herself a bass (which flew here first class!), received a 'bass for dummies' book from the e-camp committee, and so it seemed only logical that we get her a bass amp so she can practice at home. Hehe... It was worth every cent to see the look on her face. Not quite as spaz as the pic la... Ahahaha! *I love you, sweets!* Sorry, boys. She's taken. =p Some spaz moves from uncle Sam 'dancing in the moonlight', homer simpson, the Manglish Bible, pancakes, anti-wrinkle cream, a cinapek, a "vietnamese", loads of laughs, berbanyak-banyak leng luis, and a baldie, with a bonus viewing of the wall of matchbox-cars, who could ask for more, right? *wink*

I must praise God for His goodness! I wondered where I would find answers, and this week, they just poured out everywhere! In OCF, in church, online. Wah!!! Be careful what you wish for, man. You just might get it. Hehe... But it's all good, no worries. Pray for grace, and you'll be amazed. I prayed for peace, and He gave me so much more. He gave me joy. =)
__________________________________________________________________
Song of the week:

Ku Mohon

Setiap hari ku mohon
Agar Kau sentiasa
Memberiku ketenangan
Dalam hati kekuatan
Menempuhi segala
Dugaan yang mencabar ini
Pasti, punya ertinya

Engkau beriku harapan
Menjawab s'gala persoalan
Hadapi semua dalam tenang
Dengan merasa kesyukuran
Ku doa Kau selalu
Mengawasi gerak-geriku
Berkatilah... ku perlu rahmat dariMu

Chorus:
Oh Tuhan, terangkan hati dalam sanubariku
Untuk menempuhi segala
Hidup penuh cabaran ini
Oh, Tuhan, ku berserah segalanya kepada Mu
Agar jiwaku tenang
Dalam bimbingan Mu, selalu

Adakala ku merasa
Hidup ini seperti kaca
Jikalau tidak bersabar
Hancur berderailah akhirnya
Tabahkanlah hatiku
Melalui semua itu, oh
Kuatkanlah, cekalkanlah diriku

Repeat Chorus

Curahkanlah nikmat Mu
Pada hidupku

Repeat Chorus

I am....

2007-04-26T22:37:00.000+09:30

In the past week, I've discovered that I'm:
- Selfish
- Self-absorbed
- Negative
- Not a very good listener

In the past week, I've been called:
- a hypocrite
- a person living in denial
- emotional
- a busy-body
- fake
- irritating
- an exaggerator
- someone who doesn't lead by example
- over-religious
- someone who tries too hard
- ridiculous
- someone who makes ppl turn from Christ
- sensitive
- a liar
- someone who bases other ppl's relationships on my past failures
- a complainer

That's quite a lot of things to be called in a week. =)
Makes one think hard about the kind of person she really is, if she's giving others this impression.
Some have truth in it. Don't get me wrong. I'm probably a bit of all those things said above.
I must, at this point, state that I value honesty.
And I'm grateful for people who have chosen to be upfront with me.

"Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but the enemy multiplies kisses." - Proverbs 27:6

"A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity" - Proverbs 17:17

"An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips" - Proverbs 24:26

Neither am I saying that I'm not wounded. For surely the truth will sting.
But there are other truths, which do not come from the lips of man.

I know what I am.

I am a sinner.
I am forgiven.
I am accepted.
I am beautiful.
I am precious.
I am redeemed.
I am a daughter.
I am a child of God.
I am loved.
I am blessed.

Stupidity

2007-04-23T17:17:00.000+09:30

Well, as usual, I write a nice long post, and it gets swallowed up into cyberspace. Ish.
Proves my stupidity in thinking that I can trust anything of the virtual nature.

The idiots went to watch 300 again. Without me. Sigh....
I'm not very sure who's the stupid one in this case. Me for thinking that they would bother to wait for me to watch it again, or them for actually telling me they watched it again. Probably them coz they think they can pujuk me with Krispy Kremes. I mean, hello! Obviously I'm gonna eat the doughnuts ANYWAY. No, but seriously. Quite the pissed la. But oh well. You can't force ppl to care abt you. So, it's ok. Closing that chapter, and moving on.

The boys have found a new lover. The PS3. So, I'm guessing my TV watching is gonna be reduced significantly. Although I can force them to go next door. Oh well. We'll see.

Anyway, I was bored. So I just wanted to blog. =p

P.S. to those who commented on my previous post, I'm doing fine. Really. =) I'm sorry for making you all worried. Having an emo day. And I pai seh leh... you all actually replied. =p I know you ppl care. =) Love y'all.

Post E-Camp

2007-04-19T19:21:00.000+09:30

So, guess what? I am indifferent. Heh. Everybody else had such an amazing "WAHLAU!" experience at E-camp, and I'm just.... "Ho-hum". Like, what's wrong with me? How can the Spirit be there, and I didn't experience it? Is it just me? Coz I'm kinda wondering if we were even in the same camp. Sigh....have I become so jaded? So cynical? So skeptical? What's wrong with me?

Maybe I didn't participate enough. Maybe it's the hair. Honestly, nobody made efforts to sit nxt to me or anything. *boo=hoo* yeah, right. It's probably a sub-conscious thing la...I don't think ppl even realized, but yeah...for once, I went to a camp, and I feel like I didn't make a single friend. Seriously! Not to say I'm all that popular or something la...but I always walk away knowing quite a number of ppl la. Left out of the post-water-battle, nobody wants to camwhore with me. I actually walked around the field aimlessly. Nobody to sit nxt to at dinner, and after that the sessions also like, I gotta pick someplace to sit by myself coz I'm always going somewhere on my own. The only way I managed to get past those 4 days at E-camp was to pretend like I actually wanted to be alone. So I went to look out at the ocean. Which was kinda nice. Except that you feel lonely even when you're not alone. And if there's a biting wind, you can't stand looking out at the ocean for too long. Always looking back over your shoulder at the slightest noise, hoping there's someone who missed you, and came to look for you. But there's no one there.

This is like the story of my life la. I'm always the person who has to go looking for a friend. Nobody comes to me. You know what? I'm tired of making the effort la. Why am I so forgettable? Sampai no one wants to know me. Never made any lasting friendships in high school, no friends in uni. Nobody ever messages or calls me just to chat. Hell, even my housemates don't come over. I have to go nxt door. Best of all! They made plans to go to Melbourne without even telling me. Like, wth. And I found out from someone else. Which was even worse. It's exactly like the time they went to watch 300 without telling me. I mean, wth!!!!!!

What worries me most is not the fact that nobody made an effort, I guess. What worries me most is that I'm here, having a little pity-party for myself, instead of the old Qian who would've just gotten up, said, ok, you losers who don't wanna be my friend, who cares? I'm gonna make some friends who WILL enjoy my company. Coz I'm a great person, with a great personality, an infectious laugh, and a cheerful disposition. What has happened to me? Why do I give a damn? Why is it that my heart bleeds every time I get left out of something? Why am I not making an effort to make new friends? Sigh.... I guess I just value what I already have, and I don't wanna get in the way of other ppl's friendships. I mean, let's face it. At this age, most ppl have their cliques. You're the outsider. So just move on, and move out.

Well, that's me, I guess. Always trying to keep busy, always trying to fill the void. Find someone, a friend, a boyfriend, anything to occupy your mind with anything except the gaping emptiness you feel inside. In my mind, I know what is missing, so I seek for it in the way that I know how. But my heart still feels empty. When will I feel full? When will I be complete? Will I ever be satisfied or satiated? Why is it that I come knocking at Your door, begging you to come into my heart, but I feel as if there is no response? When will You answer my cry?

Psalm 142

1 I cry aloud to the LORD;
I lift up my voice to the LORD for mercy.
2 I pour out my complaint before him;
before him I tell my trouble.
3 When my spirit grows faint within me,
it is you who know my way.
In the path where I walk
men have hidden a snare for me.
4 Look to my right and see;
no one is concerned for me.
I have no refuge;
no one cares for my life.
5 I cry to you, O LORD;
I say, "You are my refuge,
my portion in the land of the living."
6 Listen to my cry,
for I am in desperate need;
rescue me from those who pursue me,
for they are too strong for me.
7 Set me free from my prison,
that I may praise your name.
Then the righteous will gather about me
because of your goodness to me.

Oh, Father. Hear my cry. Come and rescue me soon.

I DID IT!!!!

2007-04-12T02:54:00.000+09:30

So, I went for steamboat, I came back, gathered the housemates, and I did it! I finally shaved my head!

Before it all began.

Getting prepared....

Yeah, I think the boys had fun. The one time when you can cut hair, and not give a damn whether it was good or not. =p

Getting there. No, I'm not crying. I just wasn't sure what expression I should have. Mind you, I was in pain! Stupid daniel. Dunno how to shave hair. =p I think the clippers were partly to blame. Stupid Freddy. Gimme cacat clippers.

Messin around. Kinda cool, huh?

There we go. =)

Thanks for finally finishing it, Dan!

Bye-bye, hair!!! (Quite abit, huh?)

So, there you have it. Kind reminds me of Bai Ling in "Anna and the King, don't you think so?

This is what we do in Adelaide when we're bored. Act bodoh. =p

Heartache

2007-04-10T18:51:00.000+09:30

He said he's thinking about dating again.
He said his grandma approves of us breaking up.
He said he doesn't love me anymore.
He said he wants to marry soon.
He says that he can't date me anymore.
He says I'm not honest with him.
He says five weeks is too long.
He says we will never be.
He says he needs to look at his options.

I doubt I'll be dating anytime soon.
I think you should make your own decisions.
I still love you.
I hope you find "the one" for you, your grandma and your parents.
Forgive me.
I want us to be honest with one another.
Love is so short, forgetting is so long.
There was a time when you thought so.
Why?

Why do I do this to myself? Why do I love so deeply? Why must I feel so much? God, won't You just please, please, PLEASE, take it away?????????
I don't want to feel anymore. I don't want it! Leave me alone!!!!!!! Why can't you make it such that I'll just sleep and never wake to see another day filled with pain and loneliness? Why can't I be happy anymore?????????? WHY???????????????? I wanna go home, and yet I don't. I love my life, and yet I hate the pain that comes with it. WHAT DO YOU WANT?????????????????? Just be done with me!!!!! Oh, dear Lord....just lock up my heart so that I'll never love another man.

Sigh....

2007-04-07T21:28:00.000+09:30

So, I just finished watching the second season of Prison Break. My reaction? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How can it end like that???????? I really hope season 3 comes out soon!!!! I think there was only a 3 month gap between the end of the first season and the start of the second. So I'm crossing my fingers.

Anyway, just a random thought that occured today. Jason ends his term in Ireland sometime this year. Now, while I probably won't come into contact with him all that much, I realize that when all of us are back in KL, he might get involved in the picture. And it'll be back to square one on that drawing board. So all I could do was sigh. I mean, what else can I do, right? I can't stop people communicating with each other. I guess I just haven't totally forgiven him yet. Although there's really nothing to forgive. Why am I still so bitter? I suppose I'll always be jealous of the fact that I will never have the kind of friendship I had hoped for with him. Which is ok, I guess, except that it affects my friendship with other ppl. Which makes things awkward and uncomfortable. Sucks.

Aside from that, the sleepover was nice. Fun to talk abt girly stuff. But when the conversation turns to guys, I still feel....well. Nice to hear sweet stories. But what about me? I wish I were still 'entitled' to talk about them. But that's just dwelling on the past. And everybody hates that. You hate it. And other people around you hate it. Everybody gets tired of hearing THE story. Like, HELLO! Your story is over! It ended already! *Qian comes to a sad realization*

I had a thought today. I keep thinking about how I wish I had been nicer to Chiam. He deserved so much more. He was sweet, patient and kind. Even when he was angry, he was so patient, he never shouted, he never swore. I wish I had been more like him. How I must've hurt him... And I guess that somehow, I realize that while I loved him enough to marry him, I don't have the characteristics that would make a good wife. Someone who is selfless, patient, kind, respectful, gentle, loving. I'm none of those things. Sigh... There's a really nice picture of me and chiam one year ago just before he came to Adelaide. I don't have a digital image, so I had to take a picture of a picture.

Don't we look so happy there? (And extremely young. I look like I aged abt 5 years in one). I actually used to be a very cheerful and friendly person. Now, it takes great effort for me to meet new people, and I can hardly say that I'm cheerful. In fact, I'm like a walking wet blanket. Depressed, with gloomy thunderclouds above my head wherever I go. At least, I think so. Although a lot of people couldn't tell that I had undergone a break-up. Good acting skills, ey? ;)

To top all of these emotions off, I feel like I'm such a whiner. I don't know what's wrong. I feel as if I wanna talk, but I don't know what to talk abt. I'd feel like I'm complaining too much. As it is, I feel like I'm making such a big deal out of it. Half the time, I'm expecting someone to tell me to get over it, grow up, move on. So far, nothing of the sort has happened. None of my friends have proven to be so impatient or unkind. And yet, I expect them to be. Maybe I'M just impatient for me to get over it.

I also feel like, I should be contributing more. Taking up responsibility. I don't know if it's because the opportunity never came, the timing wasn't right, or I have to go looking for areas to serve. I mean, I don't wanna come across as arrogant. I mean, it's not like I'm gonna do such an amazing job. But I wanna contribute, I guess. Aish. I don't know what I want la. I want my life to be simple. God, can't you just speak in a booming voice, and tell me exactly what I should do? Either that, or give me more wisdom and discernment so I know what to do. Please. I need clear-cut instructions. That would be great. Add that to the wisdom of Solomon, and maybe the looks of Jessica Alba, and I've got it made. Perfect combination. *Cheesy smile*
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Song of the moment:

We belong together

I didn't mean it
When I said I didn't love you so
I should have held on tight
I never should've let you go
I didn't know nothing
I was stupid
I was foolish
I was lying to myself
I couldn't have fathomed that I would ever
Be without your love
Never imagined I'd be
Sitting here beside myself

'Guess I didn't know you
'Guess I didn't know me
But I thought I knew everything
I never felt
The feeling that I'm feeling
Now that I don't
Hear your voice
Or have your touch and kiss your lips
'Cause I don't have a choice
Oh, what I wouldn't give
To have you lying by my side
Right here, 'cause baby

[Chorus:]
When you left
I lost a part of me
It's still so hard to believe
Come back baby please, 'cause
We belong together
Who else am I gonna lean on
When times get rough?
Who's gonna talk to me on the phone
Till the sun comes up?
Who's gonna take your place?
There ain't nobody better
Oh baby, baby
We belong together

I can't sleep at night
When you are on my mind
Bobby Womack's on the radio
Singing to me
'If you think you're lonely now'
Wait a minute
This is too deep, too deep
I gotta change the station
So I turn the dial
Trying to catch a break
And then I hear Babyface
I only think of you
And it's breaking my heart
I'm trying to keep it together
But I'm falling apart
I'm feeling all out of my element
I'm throwing things
Crying
Trying to figure out
Where the hell I went wrong
The pain reflected in this song
Ain't even half of what
I'm feeling inside
I need you
Need you back in my life (in my life, in my life), baby

[Chorus]

Baby!

[Repeat chorus]
When you left
I lost a part of me
It's still so hard to believe
Come back, baby, please, 'cause
We belong together
Who am I gonna lean on
When times get rough?
Who's gonna talk to me
Till the sun comes up?
Who's gonna take your place?
There ain't nobody better.
Oh baby, baby
We belong together

Loneliness that haunts the heart

2007-04-02T22:19:00.000+09:30

The nights are the worst. After dinner, when I'm supposed to be doing work. When everyone's in their rooms watching movies, playing games, talking to their loved ones. When the weather's too cold to be sitting outside or walk to someone's house. And whose house would I go to anyway? When I feel so tired, so weary of trying to live, then I try to escape into sleep. The problem with that is, soon enough, you have to wake up again. Plus, you'll probably never get any work done.

So I tried looking for some quotes, to see if some poetic soul has felt the same pangs of loneliness as I. And I couldn't help but notice that just above the category for "Love" is Loneliness. Sigh... Maybe love will come my way again someday. But for now, loneliness is my shadow.

________________________________________________________________

To dare to live alone is the rarest courage; since there are many who would rather meet their bitterest enemy in the field, than their own hearts in their closet. - Charles Caleb Colton

There is no greater sorrow than to recall in misery the time when we were happy. - Dante

We're all lonely for something we don't know we're lonely for. How else to explain the curious feeling that goes around feeling like missing somebody we've never even met? - David Foster Wallace

It is loneliness that makes the loudest noise. This is true of men as of dogs. - Eric Hoffer

Oh, sweet sorrow, the time you borrow, will you be here when i wake up tomorrow? - Katherine Wolf

Loneliness the clearest of crystal insight into your own soul, its the fear of one's own self that haunts the lonely. - Keith Haynie

There is no pleasure to me without communication: there is not so much as a sprightly thought comes into my mind that it does not grieve me to have produced alone, and that I have no one to tell it to. - Michel Eyquem De Montaigne

The person who tries to live alone will not succeed as a human being. His heart withers if it does not answer another heart. His mind shrinks away if he hears only the echoes of his own thoughts and finds no other inspiration. - Pearl S. Buck

And I look again towards the sky as the raindrops mix with the tears I cry. - Unknown

One may have a blazing hearth in one's soul, and yet no one ever comes to sit by it. - Vincent van Gogh

And now, from one of my favorite authors, Neil Gaiman, on love:

"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love."
________________________________________________________________

I really need to have a good cry. The bloody tears just won't come out.

I can go to Harvard too!

2007-04-02T17:02:00.000+09:30

I'm not sure if I put up a post on this before, but I think this is hilarious. I also can go to Harvard lerr then... =p

I was curious whether this was for real, so I went to look it up. Check it.

Weirdo

2007-03-29T22:23:00.000+09:30

Six weird things about me:

1. I don't have stuffed toys. I like them, but I don't own them. Always end up somewhere other than nxt to me in the morning, and eventually just gather dust.

2. I have a jacket fetish.

3. I have a red blanket called Mr. Fuzzy.

4. I pierced my ears three times, and it also got infected three times.

5. I think girls are more interesting to look at than guys.

6. I don't like oysters. (Or maybe it's just the oysters I've tried so far).

I tag:
1. theZebra
2. GurlwithCurlz
3. FJ
4. EzZtherR
5. Jaemy
6. Jezzamine

News

2007-03-28T16:54:00.000+09:30

I'm so annoyed because I wrote this beautiful, long post yesterday, and because I check my email and blog at the same time, if I sign out of Gmail, I automatically sign out of blogger too. *Distressed* Therefore, my beautiful post vanished into cyberspace. Sigh...

Oh well, in other news, I'm getting my head shaved tomorrow! 6pm at the Rhino Room on Frome Street. Susie says it's near the zoo, so I'm wondering whether the Rhino Room is actually IN the zoo. Hmmm....oh well. Trust comedians to think abt that.

So, I'm not entirely prepared. I mean, I can't believe I'm actually gonna do it! It's kinda scary. But oh well. I said I'd do it. So I will. I will post up pictures once I actually do it la. But...you guys can wait la, har... =p Just a little more than 24 hours. Ok, that's all, folks. Too lazy to rewrite the previous post that I thought of. =p

A tribute to us

2007-03-15T23:00:00.000+10:30

As some, maybe most of you know, things are over now. As in, it's OVER. And just to indulge myself, and perhaps entertain the rest of you in the process, here's a tribute to us, and what we shared. I will always love you and I miss you. And maybe someday. Maybe someday. But harder still, is facing the truth of the matter. But for now, I want to celebrate the memories that we shared. So here's to us.

Thank you. For everything.

Leaving...again.

2007-02-25T22:43:00.000+10:30

I can't believe I'm leaving in SIX days time!!!! Where have my two months gone??!!!! Sigh...despite the fact that I have a tonne of stuff to do, I'm panicky because I'm going back late.
The semester starts tomorrow, and there're so many notes to print, so much to read up on, make sure your classmates take notes so that you can catch up. My goodness!!!! There's an assignment due 3 weeks after I get back!!!! WAH!!!!!!! How not to panic????

Sigh...I wanna cry.

Layers

2007-02-25T16:58:00.000+10:30

Name: Chen Qian (Patience)

Birth Date: 23/3/85
Current Status: It's complicated
Eye colour: Brown
Hair colour: Black
Righty or lefty: Righty

Layer Two: On the inside

Your Heritage: 1st generation Malaysian Chinese. (My dad's from Canton, PRC)
Your Fears: Loneliness, betrayal, pre-destination.
Your Weaknesses: A kiss in a dangerous place.
Your Perfect Pizza: Chicken, Pineapple, LoADS of cheese, BBQ sauce.

Layer Three: Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow

Your Thoughts First Waking Up: What time is it? Why is the sun shining so brightly? I wanna go back to sleep.
Your Bedtime: Varies
Your Most Missed Memory: The dance I received as a gift from Edwin, Chun and Paula on my 18th Birthday. My 20th Birthday at Italiannies. My pink party! (Yes, I actually miss that! For the rest of you who don't know, I HATE pink.)

Layer Four: Your Pick

Pepsi or Coke: Chinese Tea. =p
McDonald's or Burger King: McD's.
Single or Group Dates: Single.
Adidas or Nike: Adidas for style, Nike for comfort. =p
Tea or Nestea: Huh? I'm gonna go with Tea.
Chocolate or Vanilla: Chocolate
Cappuccino or Coffee: Latte, please! =)

Layer Five: Do You...

Smoke: Nope. Don't intend to start.
Curse: Wish I didn't.
Take a shower: Yeah.
Have a crush: What do you define as a crush? Does Chiam count?
Think you've been in love: I don't think I've been in love. I know.
Go to school: Yes. Thank goodness! I can't imagine working yet.
Want to get married: Sigh...yes. Wish I wasn't quite so predictable. But I DO.
Believe in yourself: Tough question...I'm not sure. But I think I do somewhere deep, deep, deep, deep down inside. Gotta dig real hard for that.
Think you're a health freak: Heh! I WISH!!!!

Layer Six: In the past month

Drank Alcohol: Yes, to my dismay. Alcohol is BAD, ppl! It makes you do stupid things which you'll regret for the rest of your life! Stop drinking! It kills your neurons!
Gone to the Mall: Yes! Thank goodness KL is FULL of malls! I'm gonna miss lepaking in 1u and the Curve...
Been on Stage: No.
Eaten Sushi: Thankfully, no.
Dyed Your Hair: Nope.

Layer Seven: Have You Ever...

Played A Stripping Game: Nope. Sorry, boys.
Changed Who You Were To Fit In: Probably.

Layer Eight: Age You're Hoping

To Be Married: 27. Then I can get married, spend a few years appreciating the company of my husband, and have sex whenever we want before thinking abt the fact that my biological clock is ticking. Besides, I hear 30 is a good age to have kids. And you'd be more financially stable by then.

Layer Nine: In a Girl/Guy

Best Eye Colour: Whatever God has given, it is perfect.
Best Hair Colour: Whatever God has given, it is perfect.
Short Hair or Long Hair: Depends on the guy. Different guys look better with different hair lengths.

Layer Ten: What Were You Doing..

1 Minute Ago: Answering layer eight
1 Hour Ago: Sitting in A&W sharing an ice-cream waffle with Andy-Pandy
4.5 Hours Ago: Showering
1 Month Ago: Probably out doing something before having Bible Study?
1 Year Ago: Attending college while being depressed/suicidal coz Chiam was in Australia.

Layer Eleven: Finish The Sentence

I Love: God.
I Feel: nostalgic.
I Hate: complicated situations that have no right answers.
I Hide: my fear.
I Miss: what we used to have.
I Need: time.

Layer Twelve: Tag 5 People
1. Andy-Pandy
2. SwenBoBo
3. Janning
4. FunkyMonkey
5. YOU!

What's going on?

2007-02-25T02:42:00.000+10:30

People, I love you all...but it sure feels like nobody's prayin real hard la. Heh.

Oh well. Updated birthday list:

1. I Married You - by Walter Trobisch
2. When I Don't Desire God - by John Piper
3. Hungry: An ultra-vertical devotional adventure - by Derek Webb
4. The Unknown God - by Alister E. McGrath
5. Praying the Names of God Journal - by Ann Spangler
6. Can Two Walk Together? - by Tony and Theresa Lim (Not sure abt the authors, but I think it's correct...)
All the above books can be found at MPH. If you're interested in buying me something. =p

In the meantime, PRAY HARDER!!!! Hehe...love you all!

Birthday Wish List

2007-02-22T15:10:00.000+10:30

Well, I know it's still quite awhile til my birthday rolls around, but I'll be celebrating a little early.
So those of you who are wondering what to buy me, here goes:

1. Any kinda head-wear. Caps, hats, fedoras, beanies, scarves, bandannas etc. As long as I can actually wear it w/o looking like a total idiot. Hehe...
2. Aloe gentle facial wash from the Body Shop
3. Seaweed Pore-Cleansing Facial Exfoliator from the Body Shop
4. Cranberry Body Butter, Shower Gel or Soap from the Body Shop.
5. Leather jacket from Key Ng (Utterly extravagant, but it's my wish-list, ain't it? Hehe...)

I can't actually think of anything else I really need. Ooh! Unless someone wants to buy me a box of Tom Yam flavored Maggi. Hehe... I don't expect any of these to actually turn up into my hands, I just wish that I could actually spend my birthday here. My REAL birthday. Hehe. Oh well.

I suppose the one thing that I wish for more than any of this, is that Chiam and I will work things out. So if all those reading this are thinking of what to get me, and you don't wanna buy anything, just pray real hard. =) Thanks.

I'm oh-so-bad.

2007-02-17T20:59:00.000+10:30

Hey, ppl. Sorry I haven't put up a new post yet. I'm waiting to receive some pictures coz I really wanna put up a post on it. Hmmm...Lin!!! Where are you??? Cannot reply my mail but can post comment on SwenBoBo's blog!!! Hmph! *Hobbit merajuks* But to amuse you all in the meantime, I took this test which I ripped off Jamesies blog. Guess you're not the only bad girl, huh? Hehe.....

Have fun, y'all!

Speechless

2007-01-20T16:56:00.000+10:30

Call me out-dated and jakun, but I've only now been listening to Steven Curtis Chapman's Speechless album, and I can't stop listening to it!!!! The lyrics are just so true!!!!! I wish I had the mp3s, but the cd's in the car, and I terlalu malas to put it up. Ask me for it ltr, if you still want!

Speechless
My words fall like drops of rain.
My lips are like clouds.
I've said so many things, trying to figure you out.
But as mercy opens my eyes, and my words are stolen away.
With this breathtaking view of your grace...

And I am Speechless
I'm astonished and amazed
I am silenced by your wondrous grace.
You have saved me
You have raised me from the grave.
And I am Speechless
In your presence now.
I'm astounded as I consider how
You have shown us the love that leaves us speechless.

So what kind of love could this be
That will trade heaven's throne for a cross
And to think you still celebrate
over finding just one who was lost.
And to know you rejoice over this
The God of this whole universe.
It's a story thats too great for words...

We are speechless
Oh how great is the love
The Father has lavished upon us,
That we should be called the sons and daughters of God

We are speechless
We stand in awe of your mercy
You have saved us
(from the grave) We are speechless

Fingerprints of God
I can see the tears filling your eyes
And I know where they're coming from
They're coming from a heart that's broken in two
By what you don't see
The person in the mirror
Doesn't look like a magazine
Oh but when I look at you
It's clear to me

That I can see the fingerprints of God
When I look at you
I can see the fingerprints of God
And I know it's true
You're a masterpiece that all creation
Quietly applauds
And you're covered with
The fingerprints of God

Never has there been and never again
Will there be another you
Fashioned by God's hand and perfectly planned
To be just who you are
And what He's been creating
Since the first beat of your heart
Is a living, breathing
Priceless work of art

And I can see the fingerprints of God
When I look at you
I can see the fingerprints of God
And I know it's true
You're a masterpiece that all creation
Quietly applauds
And you're covered with
The fingerprints of God

Just look at you
You're a wonder in the making
And God's not through
In fact, He's just getting started!

The Change
Well I got myself a T-shirt that says what I believe
I got letters on my bracelet to serve as my ID
I got the necklace and the key chain
And almost everything a good Christian needs, yeah
I got the little Bible magnets on my refrigerator door
And a welcome mat to bless you before you walk across my floor
I got a Jesus bumper sticker
And the outline of a fish stuck on my car
And even though this stuff's all well and good, yeah
I cannot help but ask myself--

What about the change
What about the difference
What about the grace
What about forgiveness
What about a life that's showing
I'm undergoing the change, yeah
I'm undergoing the change

Well I've got this way of thinking that comes so naturally
Where I believe the whole world is revolving around me
And I got this way of living that I have to die to every single day
'Cause if God's Spirit lives inside of me, yeah
I'm gonna live life differently

I'm gonna have the change
I'm gonna have the difference
I'm gonna have the grace
I'm gonna have forgiveness
I'm gonna live a life that's showing
I'm undergoing the change.

Great Expectations
The morning finds me here at heaven's door
A place I've been so many times before
Familiar thoughts and phrases start to flow
And carry me to places that I know so well
But dare I go where I don't understand
And do I dare remember where I am
I stand before the great eternal throne
The one that God Himself is seated on
And I, I've been invited as a son
Oh I, I've been invited to come and ...

Believe the unbelievable
Receive the inconceivable
And see beyond my wildest imagination
Lord, I come with great expectations

So wake the hope that slumbers in my soul
Stir the fire inside and make it glow
I'm trusting in a love that has no end
The Savior of this world has called me friend
And I, I've been invited with the Son
Oh I, I've been invited to come and ...

We've been invited with the Son
And we've been invited to come and ...

Believe the unbelievable
Receive the inconceivable
And see beyond our wildest imagination
Lord, we come with great expectations

The Invitation
In the palace in the land of mercy
The King looked down from His throne
He saw the sick and the homeless and hungry
He saw me lost and without hope
And moved with compassion
He sent out His only Son
With the invitation, to come

This is your invitation
Come just the way you are
Come find what your soul has been longing for
Come find your peace
Come join the feast
Come in
This is your invitation

So I stood outside the gates and trembled
In my rags of unworthiness
Afraid to even stand at a distance
In the presence of holiness
And just as I turned to go
The gates swung open wide
And the King and His only Son
They invited me inside

This is your invitation
Come just the way you are
Come find what your soul has been longing for
Come find your peace
Come join the feast
Come in
This is your invitation

So now will you come with me
To where the gates swing open wide
The King and His only Son
Are inviting us inside

This is our invitation
Come, sinner, as you are
Come find what your soul has been longing for
Come find your peace
Come join the feast
Come in
This is your invitation
This is our invitation
This is the invitation

Another random post

2007-01-20T15:44:00.000+10:30

Since I have not been posting up stuff for almost 2 months now, I've decided to take snippets out of my journal and post them up.

I suppose the best place to start is OCF Convention, Melbourne, 2006. If any of you decide to go to Australia to study, go for convention. It is really a life-changing experience.

1/12/2006
I am afraid, Lord. Of what, I do not know. I'm not at peace. and I do not know why.

2/12/2006
I know You are here. Thank You for giving me strength for another day. I must learn to appreciate the weather. After all, where else can I experience four seasons in one day? Hehe... (Melbourne weather is so erratic. It's cold in the morning, hot in the afternoon, and windy almost all the time! It's pretty amazing, I think.)
Thank You, for Chiam and the encouragement he's been to me. He's like a different person here, and yet familiar. Grant him the wisdom and understanding he so desires.
Thank You, for choosing us, Lord. And I thank You that You loved us enough to give us the freedom to choose You as well.

3/12/2006
I know that You are the only constant in my life. Thank You for Your faithfulness. Thank You for the name You have given me. I will obey Your call, Lord. Help me to bring hope to Your people, that they will trust in something real and true. Not horoscopes and crystals, or tarot cards, of which man becomes god. Help me to love. To TRULY love, as You do.

You have promised that if I draw near to You, You will draw near to me. Come closer, Father. Help me to be quiet, to hear Your still, small whisper. Make my will Your will. That I will think and feel the way that You do. Lord, break my heart, with the things that break Your heart. Give me the right words, Father. That I will have the wisdom to know how to pray and what to pray for. Help me to trust in the unchanging truth about Your undying love.

When I come home to M'sia for the holidays, I know that I may not receive the welcome I desire. But help me to have an eternal perspective, that I may know of the welcome I will receive when I finally meet You.

I will call, and the Lord will answer. I will cry for help, and You will say: Here am I. (Isaiah 58:9).

4/12/06
Just as the Father can build up, He can destroy. Help me to live a life that is holy and pleasing in Your sight. I don't want You to just be an idea. Be real to me, Father. Be that "person" to me. Not just an idea, a concept. The same spirit that lives in those I admire is the same spirit that lives in me.

You have honoured me, Lord. You have given me a great and wonderful gift. You paid such a precious price for my soul. An unworthy, selfish being I am. And yet, You call me by name.I do not deserve anything that You have given, and yet You bless me abundantly. You have paid the highest cost with Your only Son's tears, blood and all the love You can give. I have nothing to give. What I have is not my own. I am not my own.

Thank You for being so close, that You have caught every single tear that I have shed. Imagine! How close You must be to me.

Chiam prayed today.

5/12/06
To make a lasting impact, we do not need to know a great many things, but a few great things and be willing to live and die for it.

Undated
Will you call me to share the inheritance of Your kingdom? I wonder about it sometimes. What if You say to me that You never knew me? I wonder if I actually DO know You. I'm sorry, Father. When will I ever get it? Will I ever really, truly know You? When will I find what I seek? Will I know what pleases Your heart? Will I be able to say at the end of my life that I really knew You? Maybe I don't have to reach heaven. If I'm seperated from You in eternity, at least now, You are with me, in this life. And maybe that's enough. For surely, that is already more grace than I deserve.

23/12/2006
Thank You for redeeming us back Yourself. To redeem: To call back. To purchase. Antonym: Abandon. Often, I find we use jargon that we don't really understand, but think that we do. Thank You, for giving us dictionary.com that we may increase our knowledge and wisdom. =)

There is a greater need for You each and ever day. Each day, the need builds up. There is more to pray for, more to learn. A greater thirst each time I drink. And if I do not drink, I feel parched and restless.

24/12/2006
It's Christmas Eve today. I can't wait to go home. But at the same time, I'm afraid. If I go back, maybe You won't be so real to me anymore. I need to trust You. Help me to hear Your voice amidst the clamour of KL.

A baby so beautiful and sweet, has come, my soul to keep.
come now, sweet Saviour, into this heart of mine.
Great joy You bring, this eve of birth to hope.
Thank You, dear Lord, for touching my hardened heart.
For the love You give,
No other can dream.
More precious than jewels and gems,
Thank You, Father, for this precious gift.
The coming of a newborn King. Amen.
____________________________________________________________________________

Well, that should keep you all happy for now, I hope.
And I know I'm no poet la...but it was heart-felt. I hope you all had a joyous and meaningful Christmas. May the Lord be with You in the "new" year, and for many more years to come (hopefully).
Amen.

Apologies

2007-01-16T15:23:00.000+10:30

I do apologize for my long absence. But somehow it seems strange to blog anywhere else except my laptop. And since it needs reformatting, I can't really blog. I immediately enter blogger's block using any other pc. So do bear with me! I'll try to put up a real update soon!

Much love,
hobbiT.

It works.

2006-11-25T00:21:00.000+10:30

I got this in an email, so some of you may have seen it. It really works. I have no idea why. But it does. Just try it. It'll take like 2 minutes of your time. And it's fun!

DO NOT GO STRAIGHT TO THE END ...
It will only take a minute
Do the maths as you read the instructions
Don't read the end until you have done all the calculations
I promise it is not a waste of time, you will find this amusing.

1. How many times a week do you fancy eating chocolate?
(Choose between 1 and 9)

2. Multiply that number by 2

3. Add 5

4. Multiply by 50 – go on, get that calculator out!

5. If you have had your birthday in 2006, add 1756. If your birthday is still to come, add 1755.

6 Now take away the year you were born.

You should have a three digit number. The first is the number of time you fancy eating chocolate in a week.

The other two digits are ...

YOUR AGE!!!

2006 IS THE ONLY YEAR IN ALL ETERNITY WHEN THIS WORKS. SEND IT TO YOUR FRIENDS WHILE IT WORKS!

I wanna be a figure-skater!!!!

2006-11-24T03:58:00.000+10:30

There's another one on Youtube with better sound, but the footage here is better, IMHO. You can check it out for yourselves if you'd like. Just look for John Zimmerman or Kyono Ina 2005. Awesome.

Aren't they amazing??!!!! I wanna be a figure-skater too!!!!

No particular fancy tricks in this one. But awesome outfit! Guys, you'll wanna have some tissue handy. ;)

Dunno who this kid is...but he's cute. And I like his moves too...

Heh. Watched the movie about a year ago. Totally predictable, but I still enjoyed the skating scenes. =) Ooh! I wanna watch step up!!!! It's too bad movies in aussie are so freaking 'x'! Watched "The Prestige" today. Sad ending. =( Nvm. Won't spoil it for those of you who are planning to watch. Or maybe Aussie's too far behind in movies! Sigh... =( Miss watching movies in 1U!!!!!

Interesting stuff

2006-11-15T15:29:00.000+10:30

Some random interesting things that I've come across lately. First up, a well-written piece by a friend in KL. Everybody applaud the fake psychologist! Here's one for the non-smokers, and the smokers who've got it coming! Click here.

Also, I've been listening to Nicole C. Mullen's song, Redeemer. Don't know if you all have heard it, but I think it's an awesome song.

Redeemer
Who taught the sun where to stand in the morning?
And Who told the ocean you can only come this far?
And Who showed the moon where to hide 'til evening?
Whose words alone can catch a falling star?

Well I know my Redeemer lives
I know my Redeemer lives
All of creation testifies
This life within me cries
I know my Redeemer lives yeah

The very same God that spins things in orbit
runs to the weary, the worn and the weak
And the same gentle hands that hold me when I'm broken
They conquered death to bring me victory

Now I know my Redeemer lives
I know my Redeemer lives
Let all creation testify
Let this life within me cry
I know my Redeemer, He lives

To take away my shame
And He lives forever, I'll proclaim
That the payment for my sin
Was the precious life He gave
But now He's alive and
There's an empty grave

And I know my Redeemer lives
I know my Redeemer lives
Let all creation testify
Let this life within me cry
I know my Redeemer,

I know my Redeemer
I know my Redeemer lives
I know my redeemer lives
I know that I know that I know that I know that I know my redeemer lives
Because He lives I can face tomorrow
I Know I know
He lives he lives yeah yeah I spoke with him this morning
He lives he lives, the tomb is empty,
He lives I gotta tell everybody

Some of you may remember Amanda from St. Gabriel's. Well, guess what? She wrote a song! Yeah...I know. So cool, right? Hehe... It's called "Beautiful Me". Unfortunately, I don't have the lyrics for the whole song, but here's the chorus.

Beautiful Me
Beautiful skies, Beautiful hills,
Beautiful flowers, Beautiful seas,
You made me,
Beautiful me.

Beautiful laugh, Beautiful cry,
Beautiful smile, so beautiful eyes,
I'm beautiful
In Your sight.

You guys should hear the song... If she ever records it, I'll put it up, kays? =)
Anyway, hope you all have enjoyed this little joys that I've had the fortune to encounter even in the midst of exams. =) Take care, peeps!
Love y'all!

My Calendar

2006-11-09T20:01:00.000+10:30

In order to organize myself better and force/pressure/stress myself into studying harder, I have set up a calendar for myself in order to see the horrendous amount of work that I have to do everyday before my exams. So to help me through that, all the rest of you get to have a look at my calendar as well, and pray very hard every day that I will bust my ass so that I can make God, myself, my parents, and all of you guys back home proud of me.

I spoke to Chai-Chai abt it. The important thing is to surrender the results to God. But even so, I still gotta bust my ass. So you all, being the wonderfully kind and caring friends that you are will pray for me, right?? RIGHT??? Good. Love you all! Gotta get started now. See you all if I survive through it! I'm sure some battle-scars will be there to prove my struggle against the evil forces of exams. (I watched all 6 Star Wars episodes within a week. Not this week, of course).

Free Hugs

2006-11-07T23:23:00.000+10:30

God knows, the world needs more hugs. Juan Mann...he knew what ppl needed. That man is probably the next Carl Rogers. Much love to everyone. *HUGZ*

Cocolat

2006-11-03T18:26:00.000+10:30

I've been meaning to put up a post on this for quite some time now, but haven't gotten round to it. Not too long a post, don't worry. There's a shop in the city, called Cocolat. You can check out their website here. You should see some of their specialty cakes and chocolate. It is to DIE FOR!!!!!

Chiam and I went there with

Yang and Michelle - isn't she sweet?

When you pass by their shop, sometimes you can see little designer handbags. They're actually not handbags. Yeap. It's cake. hehe... it's pretty cool.

Simply mouth-watering. One never knows what to choose.

Truffle Trees

Pretty boxes for pretty chocolates

Chocolate Sauces

Guilt bars...Is it any wonder that they call it that? hehe...you should see the size of those things! If that won't make you feel guilty, I don't know what will!

A baby star-struck

I'm sorry I don't have more pictures. My phone didn't have enough storage space. Sigh... Oh well. Go check out their website. http://cocolat.com.au
Ok, that's all. I just wanted to make sure everyone knows abt this delightfully sinful little place. Toodles!

Something New

2006-10-31T00:18:00.000+10:30

Before

After

Different, no? Hehe... Well, I've no regrets about cutting my hair. I actually quite like it.
Although washing my hair has been a different experience! Ahaha! It's like there's nothing to wash! And I only need so little shampoo now. And of course, walking out is a little colder now without my hair to cover my neck. One of the nice things abt short hair is that I don't have to tie my hair up when I eat!

I'm sure you all have your opinions, and I would like to hear them! I know this is quite drastic for me. I've gotten a lot of shocked looks of late. In a good way, though! Hehe.... I think Chiam was more traumatised abt me cutting my hair than I myself was. Haha!

Well, I'm happy with it. I never thought I would see the day when I would prefer short hair! After 17 years of it! Do tell me what you think!

Movieworld

2006-10-27T11:28:00.000+09:30

Ok, the long-awaited (ok, maybe not long-awaited, but long overdue) post on one of the most amazing places in Gold Coast..... *drumroll please*....... MOVIEWORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ok, I can't be writing too much stuff if you want loads of pictures, so we'll make it less talk, more pics, ok?

We were so freaked out that the rain would spoil our day, but it turned out alright. Thank goodness. Otherwise that would've been $59 wasted!

The most awesome ride EVER!!!! The Superman Escape! Just to give you an idea of how awesome this ride is....
Did you know that sky surfers travel 0-100kms in 5 seconds? And that snow skiers travel 0-100 kms in 7 seconds? Well, the Superman Escape goes from 0 to 100kms in TWO seconds! Awesome, huh? I think the guy said we'd experience something like 4.2 G-force or something. Not too sure abt the that. 4. something la. But aside from the speed, the amount of effort they put into this ride is crazy. It has this whole story-line thing goin on. You guys should definitely try it if you get the chance. There was an unfinished Batman ride too...more on that ltr.

Main Street

The Shrek store! And what appears to be Chiam's best impersonation of Shrek.

It's Wonka's Chocolate Factory! What nonsense...it's just another candy store. CheH!
But it doesn't really matter when you're with Mr. Wonka himself!

Oops, wrong picture.

Ah, there we go, me and Mr. Willy Wonka! (a.k.a. Johnny Depp impersonator)

The Harry Potter store! Can't forget abt him now, can we?
Quite a lotta fun stuff there. It's like the shop they always buy their stuff from. Can't for the life of me remember what it's called.
Oh, guess who else I saw?

Ta-da! It's the International Man of Mystery: Austin Powers!

Aren't the ninjas cool? I wanted to catch a picture with them, but only Batman and Robin came out. Sigh....too bad. I dont' even think he's a real superhero. A hero, yes. But not a superhero. Sorry, boys. You can't talk me outta this one.

Waiting at the Bugstop in LooneyTunes Village.

The Bugs Bunny wannabes

And the Superman wannabe.

The posers.

What can only logically be Bugs Bunny's residence.

What are they, Justice League or something, right?

Me and my new-old car. =)

The only thing Batman seems to be good for. Cool gadgets. Say hello to the BatBoat.

Wanted to see Gotham City Hall. Unfortunately, it's not ready yet. Better luck next time. (If there ever IS a next time).

Just before the lethal weapon ride. Sorry didn't take pics of that. Looking at the thing was actually more scary than the ride itself.

Not so scary, but amazing fun! the Shrek 4D adventure! Awesome show. Can't give too much away. It'll spoil it for the potential visitors!

Looks cool, ya? Unfortunately, I didn't have enough time to try this ride. Oh well....I figure it's not much better than Sunway Lagoon.

As much as I want to say this ride was sucky, it was in fact, surprsingly AWESOME!!!!! It was really, really cool. Apparently the show was actually shot here.

Check out the gargoyles..... they're a lot scarier in the dark.

My knight in shining armour come to save me from ghosts?
Unfortunately there was no saving, and nothing to be saved from anyway. Oh well.

Now for The Police Academy Stunt Show! These guys are hilarious!

The driving in this show was pretty awesome. All the drifting skills. Chai-Chai, you would've enjoyed this show.

In case you can't tell, there's a man in his boxers in that little box hanging there.

That chopper was in the air for like 5 seconds before getting blown up. hehe...hilarious show. The cops there are real dingbats. They only caught the baddies based on sheer luck! hahaha!

Bing!

Bang! and....

Kablooiii!

Unfortunately, all good things must come to an end. Sigh...I left a happy (and broke) tourist.
(Check out the size of the black bag containing all the wonderful gifts for my friends back home. See? I think abt u all!) If there's ever a chance, I don't mind another trip back here. *Sighs happily*

The 2nd Anniversary

2006-10-22T14:33:00.000+09:30

Well, not everything went according to plan. But it's alright. We didn't do much. Just went to the botanical gardens. Unfortunately that made us too tired to go for dinner, so we ate at home. Don't worry. The real dinner happened the next night, ok?
So to daFunkyMonkey, I can't promise you a rose garden. But I can promise you some pictures of one. Hehe....for the rest of you, be warned. A LOT of pictures with flowers, trees, and grass are in store. So if nature's not your thing, u better scram.

Some statues on the way...

The state library

Some funny stools which have water on them....kinda confused as to what these are actually...

The state museum....some cultural thing going on, i think.

Some brass band...definitely something special goin on...not sure what the hell though.

When passing the Royal Adelaide Hospital

Finally! We arrive at our destination.

Those trees are freaking huge. seriously. check out the diameter of the bottom of the branches. now look at how thin the trunk is. and it only looks thin coz it's taken from so far away. crazy. and yet cool.

Doesn't it just make you feel so at peace? It's like time stops in this woodland. This place is PERFECT for picnics. You can see families pinicking all over the park. Some of them got nothing better to do, start tumbling down slopes.

Spot the tumbling-bumbling bumblers!

I was wondering where in the world the water was la....and then I saw this

It's kinda cool la. But the plants there all so kuchi-fart.

awesome, huh? had a nice time camwhoring here.

I wasn't expecting random pine cones though....

i can just imagine a horse gallping through here...

somewhere a little sunnier...

fuzzy flowers!

ok, this is just taking too long. let's fast-forward to the rose-garden.

these flowers are actually TINY!!!!

one of my favorites...the snow carpet.

isn't it cool that they grow in bouquets?

gorgeous, aren't they?

how abt a blue rose? hehe...not very blue, i know...but still. it's called a 'blue bajou'

garden weddings.... doesn't that come to mind?

I know it's not a clear picture...I just wanted you all to see exactly how HUMONGOUS this rose is! Isn't it huge??!!! It's as big as my hand!

ok, moving on from the rose garden, we found....

The Sunken Garden!!

Isn't it pretty?

It's like something you hear about in stories of Persia, or some exotic country...

So, that ended my "romantic" day out. If only they'd happen more often. Sigh....why can't guys just be more romantic?

Father, do you hear me when I pray?

2006-10-18T17:59:00.001+09:30

I am currently reading Denise George's "Tilling the Soul", courtesy of sMel. She struggles with her pain after her father's death, and questions whether God actually hears her prayer. Her story, her revelations abt prayer very much reflect how many of us feel, I believe. And I would like to share this with all of us who have felt discouraged in listening, and have not heard from our Father in heaven.

"I am learning that God is, indeed, the author of prayer. He listens. Trusting God with our prayers is the heart of Christian life. God hears our prayers. I don't doubt that anymore. He ordained prayer and gave it to us as a gift."

This surprised me, as I had never seen prayer as a gift before. But let me continue with what Denise says.

Looking back, I now realize that during daddy's illness, I didn't want a loving heavenly Father who walked with me through my pain. I wanted a genie in a bottle, someone who granted my every wish. I begged God for an immediate response. I wanted God to give me what society gives - the instantaneous! As you well know, you and I live in an instant society - instant potatoes, instant oatmeal, clothes dry-cleaned in one hour, eyeglasses made while you wait. We can become frustrated when God's answers don't come as instantly as our cell phone's speed-dialer or our digital camera's photo images.

I yearned for instant answers, for quick cures, for an immediate healing. I never stopped to consider the valuable lessons God wanted to teach me, my family, my friends and others about himself, about pain and about prayer. Lessons about living with a confident faith in a world of suffering and uncertainty. When God refused to answer my urgent prayers immediately, I thought he wasn't listening. I believed he didn't hear my pleadings. I thought that maybe he wasn't all-powerful. That he wasn't the mighty Father I had been taught to trust. I even questioned his love.

During these grueling years of deep contemplation, prayer and struggle, God helped me to find answers to my questions and to reach a turning point in my faith. God has been showing me new insights into prayer and suffering and himself that, frankly, I had never considered. Foundational truths like, yes, God hears our prayers. He listens to us when we pray. He always answers our prayers. But I am discovering that his answers come in his own time, not ours.

"People get frustrated with prayer because they are looking for an instant response and when it doesnt' happen, they get discouraged. It is as if God should be like a genie, rub the lamp and get immediate action. God does not work that way. He is not a God of quick fixes. He is a very patient God who heals gently and thoroughly," (Father Joseph Girzone)

Wait for the Lord, and be strong, take heart, and wait for the Lord - Psalm 27:14

As God's children, we try to pray, but prayers may seem empty and futile. I am learning, however, that even when answers don't come quickly, when God seems absent, we can still trust him to hear us. We must not give up our faith during our waiting periods, during our personal "dark nights of the soul". When God is quiet, our part in prayer is to keep praying, to keep trusting, and to know with full assurance that God is with us, loving us, and listening to our prayers.

The righteous call out, and the Lord hears them. - Psalm 34:17

I know that Denise and I are not the only ones who have felt loneliness and pain before. Take heart, for the Lord hears your prayer.

...though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 7These have come so that your faith - of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire - may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. 8Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, 9for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls - 1 Peter 1: 6-9.

Mercy Me - I can only imagine

2006-10-17T10:41:00.000+09:30

I'm in love with this song. I need no words to describe it. It speaks for itself.

I can only imagine
What it will be like
When I walk
By your side

I can only imagine
What my eyes will see
When your face
Is before me
I can only imagine

[Chorus:]
Surrounded by Your glory, what will my heart feel
Will I dance for you Jesus or in awe of you be still
Will I stand in your presence or to my knees will I fall
Will I sing hallelujah, will I be able to speak at all
I can only imagine

I can only imagine
When that day comes
And I find myself
Standing in the Son

I can only imagine
When all I will do
Is forever
Forever worship You
I can only imagine

[Chorus]

I can only imagine [x2]

I can only imagine
When all I will do
Is forever, forever worship you

Stuff

2006-10-17T04:07:00.000+09:30

I'm sure you all are interested to know what I bought in Gold Coast, and the horrendous amount I spent there. sigh...
Note: The prices stated are based on memory, so there could be variations.... and I rounded up the prices. Some of the presents are not "assigned" yet. So if you see something you like which COULD be up for grabs, just tell me, and we'll see how la, ok? ;) For those of you who think you're not getting anything, have no fear. You'll get something. Just maybe not from Gold Coast la, ok? Hehe...

In total, I spent AUD$1011.40. On everything. Sigh....but no regrets. I enjoyed myself thoroughly, and I felt all that I bought was well worth its price. I should've bought the shoes from Adidas though....Harbour town in Gold Coast was selling the 2nd pair at 50% off. Cool, huh? They've got a huge Nike and Adidas warehouse sorta place where you can buy shirts and bags for $20. Yeah. I know.
Ooh! I almost forgot. I bought something that I've been wanting for years.

My beloved Gucci Rush. Retail price: $69. It's value to me: priceless. Hehe....
ppl!!! post comments la!

Forgot one more. My beautiful MovieWorld mug. I wanted to buy a t-shirt exactly like that. black with a gold logo. guess what? THEY DON'T HAVE IT! how in the world is that possible?? Sigh...nvm. had to compensate. Hehe...

For those of you wanna check out the Hard Rock t-shirt properly, (and I know you do, Drea! hehe...) here you go.

Definitely worth it.

randomness

2006-10-14T21:10:00.000+09:30

There is SOOOOOO much to blog about!!!!
Sigh...ok, let's start small. Tomorrow I celebrate my 2nd anniversary with Chiam. And of course this is rather exciting for me. Will post up pictures after tomorrow. (No promises when exactly that will be though).
OK. Gold coast. Well, there's just so many pictures, I'm not sure where to start.
Right, we'll just start from Dreamworld.

Tickets for Dreamworld and Movieworld were $59 each!!!! But it was worth it la.

Just inside the entrace. Had to do the group-photo la.

Aren't the shops just adorable? Looks so disneyland. Hehe...not that i've been to disneyland... nvm. one day...

Apparently I don't do crocodiles...

SpongeBob-Squarepants!!!

Nothing much there...just some cute sleeping tigers. Wanna see?

Super-cute, right? Hehe...
Anyway, the highlight of Dreamworld.....

See that long, thin thing in the distance? Excuse the poor quality. It was taken while travelling on the bus. Well, anyway. That's the Tower of Terror. To give you a better idea...

That's how tall it was.

Quite scary, right? 120 metres. don't play-play.
It was pretty cool. There's also the Giant Drop for which they use the same tower, just on the other side. If you look at the picture u can see the carriage on the right side. The view from up there is awesome. Although it's a little hard to stay calm and enjoy it when you're just panicking from when you'll actually drop, and when you do, it's so fast that you end up screaming AFTER you've dropped.
This was what my hair looked like after.

Yep. I have a fringe now.

I'm in Gold Coast!

2006-09-24T10:10:00.000+09:30

By the time most of you read this, I will be in the land of sand, surf, and hot, hot, HOT surfer boys! YAY!!!! And before you get any ideas of me being desperate, lemme tell you, that HOT guys in Adelaide are really, really scarce. Seriously. It's not funny. But then again, maybe the beach is not all it's made up to be. Will update on the HOTness factor.
I'm a little apprehensive about the rides, though...after my experience with the Extreme Speed Machine at the Adelaide Fair, I'm not sure my stomach can take it.... But oh well. What doesn't kill you... Just pray there are no "accidents", ok? I'd rather have all my limbs intact. If I even live.
And if I don't, lemme tell you all that I love you. (I should call my parents and tell them too....)
Girls, you were the best. Maybe it could be like SATC. Let's be each other's soul-mates, and men could be these really great people that we hang out with. Hehe...
I'm sure everything will be fine. But just in case, you know? ;)
Much love.

ber-stabbing

2006-09-19T23:18:00.000+09:30

Bold the statements that are true to you.
Italise the statements that you WISH are true.
Leave the Fibs alone.
Then, stab 5 people to do the same test.

I miss somebody right now. (I miss all the significant somebodies back home)
I dont watch TV these days. (Not exactly TV, but I watch a lot of downloaded series)
I wear glasses or contact lenses. (absolutely fabulous glasses, mind you)
I love to play video games.
I've tried marijuana.
I've been in a threesome.
I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship. (I think)
I believe that honesty is usually the best policy.
I curse. (Cut down a lot though....)
I have changed mentally over the last year. (I wanted to bold this, and say that I hoped it was true. but i figured if I hoped for it, it was also wishing it, kan?)
I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
I'm TOTALLY smart.
I've broken someone's bones.
I'm paranoid sometimes.
I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe , free of cost, and scar-free.
I need money right now. (This would be true at any time, and any place that I am in, at any point in my life)
I love sushi.
I talk really,really fast.
I have long hair.
I have lost money in Las Vegas.
I have at least one sibling.
I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past.
I couldn't survive without Caller I.D.
I like the way I look. (If only....)
I am usually pessimistic. (I believe this to be true....but I may have changed over the years)
I have a lot of mood swings.
I have a hidden talent. (Sighs with longing)
I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar i have.
I have a lot of friends. (Can't beat Dennis, but I'm not too bad, I think).
I'm currently single.
I have pecked someone of the same sex.
I enjoy talking on the phone.
I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants. (But only at home!)
I love to shop.
Enjoy window shopping. (of course, the one thing better than window shopping is shopping!)
I would rather shop than eat. (it depends where i'm eating. coz if i were back home, i'd rather not shop. food is good back home. food here sucks, and clothes are super cheap!!!! *grins*)
I don't hate anyone. (I still need to forgive some people)
I'm a pretty good dancer. (Again, sighs longingly)
I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
I have a cell phone.
I believe in God.
I watch MTV on a daily basis.
I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.
I've rejected someone before. (I've not been so fortunate to have to turn down more than one or maybe 2 people in my lifetime, unlike daFunkyMonkey)
I want to have children in the future.
I have changed a diaper before.
I've called the cops on a friend before.
I'm not allergic to anything. (I hate dust!!!!)
I have a lot to learn.
I have been with someone at least 10 years older or younger.
I am shy around the opposite sex. (i think me not being shy has gotten me into a lot of trouble before....)
I have tried alcohol before. (To my boyfriend's utter disappointment)
I have made a move on a friend's significant other or crush in the past.
I own the "South Park" movie.
I would die for my best friends.
I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza. (Back home, or here?)
I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all. (I'm not a fan of the scandals. But he's an amazing entertainer. I loved him in his hey-day).
Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.
I watch Spongebob Squarepants and i like it.
I am happy at this moment!
I'm obsessed with guys.
I study for tests most of the time. (I wasn't very sure how to answer this one, coz I don't know if it means that most of my time is spent studying, or whether I actually bother to study for most of my tests, but in any case, I actually do bother to study, but I don't bother to do it for most of my waking life).
I tie my shoelaces differently from anyone I've ever met. (I'm not sure how other people tie their shoelaces....)
I am comfortable with who I am right now. (I'm still way too fat, and there's nothing I can do about my face, unfortunately.... or the lack of talent and wit)
I have more than just my ears pierced. (I wish I could at LEAST get my ears pierced!!!!)
I walk barefoot wherever i can.
I have jumped off a bridge.
I love sea turtles.
I spend ridiculous money on makeup.
I plan on achieving a major goal/dream. (when I've actually determined which dream I want to go after)
I'm proficient in a musical instrument. ( HOW I WISH!!!! Does the voice count as an instrument?)
I have worked at a McDonald's restaurant.
I hate office jobs. (never really had an office job, so I wouldn't know....)
I love sci-fi movies.
I think water rules.
I went to college out of state.
I like sausages.
I love kisses.
I fall for the worst people. (I fell for the worst person. But I think I did pretty good this time around. =p)
I adore bright colours.
I can't live without black eyeliner.
I somehow enjoyed this thingy !!!
I usually like covers better than originals.
I can pick up things with my toes.
I can't whistle. (certain notes are ok....)
I can move my tongue in waves, much like a snakes slither.
I have ridden/owned a horse.
I still have every journal I've ever written in.
I can't stick to a diet.
I talk in my sleep. (I used to. And from what my sister tells me, I snore as well.)
I try to forget things by drowning them out with loads of distractions. (This post is the perfect example of that. I should be doing my assignment right now)
Climbing trees is a brilliant past-time.
I have jazz in my blood. (this needs elaboration....i can appreciate jazz, but does this mean that I have to be able to play jazz for it to be in my blood?)
I wear a toe ring.
I can't stand at LEAST one person that i work with. (I LOVE ALL MY EX-STARBUCKIANS FROM MV!!!!)
I am a caffeine junkie.
I cosplay or know what cosplaying is
I have been to over 15 conventions. (i don't keep track....)
I will collect anything, and the more nonsensical the better.
I'm an artist. (at heart.)
I only clean my room when necessary. (which is often)
I like a person of the same sex. (again, define like, coz i LOVE all my girlfriends back home!!!)
I love being happy.
I am an adrenaline junkie...

I stab:
theZebra
FJ
Selina (so that she will finally update her blog)
Swen
Chiam (so that he doesn't need to think of a topic to blog about)

Psalm 121

2006-09-16T10:33:00.000+09:30

A song of ascents.

1 I lift up my eyes to the hills -
where does my help come from?

2 My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.

3 He will not let your foot slip -
he who watches over you will not slumber;

4 indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.

5 The LORD watches over you -
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;

6 the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.

7 The LORD will keep you from all harm -
he will watch over your life;

8 the LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.

What Kind of Blogger are You?

2006-09-15T17:10:00.000+09:30

You Are a Social Blogger!

Your blog is more of a semi-private affair for your friends.
It's how you keep in touch... sharing stories, jokes, and pics.

What Kind of Blogger Are You?

Definitions

2006-09-14T11:02:00.000+09:30

Everyone needs a break once in awhile. So take a breather, have a laugh, and then carry on with whatever it is you were doing.

1. Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in
paper with fire at one end & a fool at the
other.

2. Love affairs: Something like cricket where
one-day internationals are more popular than a
five day test.

3. Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man
loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her
master

4. Divorce: Future tense of marriage

5. Lecture: An art of transferring information
from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of
the students without passing through "the minds
of either".

6. Conference: The confusion of one man
multiplied by the number present.

7. Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in
such a way that everybody believes he got the
biggest piece.

8. Tears: The hydraulic force by which
masculine will-power is defeated by feminine
water-power.

9. Dictionary: A place where divorce comes
before marriage.

10. Conference Room: A place where everybody
talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees
later on.

11. Ecstasy : A feeling when you feel you are
going to feel a feeling you have never felt
before.

12. Classic : A book which people praise, but do
not read.

13. Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things
straight.

14. Office: A place where you can relax after
your strenuous home life.

15. Yawn: The only time some married men ever
get to open their mouth.

16. Etc.: A sign to make others believe that
you know more than you actually do.

17. Committee: Individuals who can do nothing
individually and sit to decide that nothing can
be done together.

18. Experience: The name men give to their
mistakes.

19. Atom Bomb: An invention to end all
inventions.

20. Philosopher: A fool who torments himself
during life, to be spoken of when dead.

21. Diplomat: A person who tells you to go to
hell in such a way that you actually look
forward to the trip.

22. Opportunist: A person who starts taking a
bath if he accidentally falls into a river.

23. Optimist: A person who while falling from
Eiffel Tower says in midway "See I am not
injured yet."

24. Pessimist: - A person who says that O is the
last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter
in the word OPPORTUNITY.

25. Miser: A person who lives poor so that he
can die rich.

26. Father: A banker provided by nature.

27. Criminal: A guy no different from the
rest... except that he got caught.

28. Boss : Someone who is early when you are
late and late when you are early.

29. Politician : One who shakes your hand before
elections and your confidence after.

30. Doctor : A person who kills your ills by
pills, and kills you with his bills.

31. Computer Engineer : One who gets paid for
reading lists like this.

WTF!!!!!!

2006-09-13T19:41:00.000+09:30

ok, now i'm superdamnkaopissed coz i wrote this superdamnkaolong post abt the entire fair, and it's GONE!!!!!!!!!! wtf!!!!!!

The Royal Adelaide Show

2006-09-13T17:50:00.000+09:30

This is super cool! I didn't expect much, but I swear, my jaw dropped. For the performance on the night I went, one of the guys actually totally let go of the bike. No hands. Awesome stuff.

As for the precision driving, it was quite impressive. Here's my dedication to Chai-Chai. Hehe...it's not really clear though.... you guys would've loved it. You have to see it for yourselves though...

Unfortunately, I couldn't catch a video of the Big Boy's Ballet. It's basically 4 mini excavators "dancing" in time to the music. You won't believe how super adorable it is! Imagine them dancing to the waltz in The Nutcracker! Now imagine them balancing on their front two wheels, and spinning around. Uhuh. I'm not joking.
And when they bounce around, while balancing on the front wheels, it looks like they're doing a spinning "turtle"! You bboys out there will understand. Hehe.... these boys are pretty skilled. Wish I had a video to show you... oh well... maybe next year. =P
All in all, I had a great time at the fair. Wish you guys could've been there though... =)

My Prayer

2006-09-04T14:14:00.000+09:30

This is my prayer for you:

Dear Father in heaven,

May You bless and keep Your child in Your tender loving care.
Make Your face to shine upon him.
I pray that he will come to know You, and to love You.
That he will have a living and active, intimate relationship with You.
I pray Father, that You will be the author of his life.
That he will surrender everything unto You,
Reveal Yourself to him,
May he see that a life without You,
Is not a life worth having.
I pray that You would grant him wisdom, and understanding,
That he may face the trials of his life on earth.
Lord You have given us everything we need to face all adversity.
I pray that You will grant him Your grace in abundance,
That he may see and believe in all that You are capable of.
I pray that he will come to know You as a father. As a lover, and a friend.
That he will come to You, with his innermost secrets.
You will be his confidante.
I pray that You would allow him to experience You in all Your magnificence & glory.
That he may call himself Your son,
And experience what it's like to be called a child of God.
Father I pray, that with Your spirit in him,
His life will change forever.
I thank You, Jesus.
For the life that You have given to each of us.
Not just the gift of a physical life.
But of a spiritual life, that we may reach out and touch You.

In as much as You have given us,
May we give our lives back to You.
Thank you, Jesus.

Amen.

Of kindness & caring

2006-09-01T23:46:00.000+09:30

Today, I was amazed, touched, unspeakably moved by the kindness met by people who I can hardly say that I'm close to. In times of frustration and utter desperation, God planted these people at the perfect time and place to tell me that He's there, and that He cares for me. That He's looking out for me. I cried an abundance of tears which have been welling up in me since I've left my beloved homeland. And now that the floodgates have been opened, I feel....relief. (Although I do have a pouding headache).

From Melanie, in OCF:

11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back from captivity. ^[b] I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile."

Jeremiah 29:11-1

And from Esther, from HELP:

14For this reason I kneel before the Father, 15from whom his whole family^[a] in heaven and on earth derives its name. 16I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
20Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.
Ephesians 3:14-21

So many times I've told myself not to "box up" God. And yet, every single time I am met by adversity, and I bring myself back to Him, I am again astonished by how I will never, ever be able to fathom His greatness, His love, & His merciful grace. How insignificant I am, and yet this God, this omnipotent being, has chosen to love ME. HE chose ME!!!!
My brother told me, that I would find God in Adelaide. I laughed when he told me that he was surprised to find God in Kansas. That somehow he thought he wouldn't find God anywhere other than KL. And look at me! Did I think that my God was so small, He wouldn't be able to find me here? That He wouldn't be able to touch me, or speak to me?
There are so many questions unanswered. So many things I want to find out. Sometimes, I wish I could just KNOW the answers. But nothing in this life comes easy. And I know that God cares more for the building of my character than He does for the actual result.
And I pray, for more strength, for more courage, for more wisdom, and for a whole lot of patience. And I pray, that you will pray this with me. That I may come to know my Maker. To know what it is, to truly be a child of God. To have a living, active relationship with my Father, my Friend. That I may rediscover this relationship, and fall in love with Him over and over again.

1 Hear my prayer, O LORD;
let my cry for help come to you.

2 Do not hide your face from me
when I am in distress.
Turn your ear to me;
when I call, answer me quickly.

Psalm 102:1-2

I miss Malaysia!!!!!

2006-09-01T03:14:00.000+09:30

Today, ok fine, yesterday, being the national day of my beloved country, reminded me of how much I miss it. posts on foong jin's blog reminded me of how much i miss the food. and on another dungu's blog, all the patriotic advertisements that seem to pervade the national tv channels. sigh...petronas still has the best ads. =)
And this yea is the first year that I've missed PBA, which is always held on the merdeka weekend!!!!! *sniff sniff*
cameron!!!! sigh....although I think I would much prefer the beach. Pangkor.... sigh.... Honestly, it was gorgeous. The water was much cleaner than I expected.
Don't worry, peeps. I'm brushing up on my cooking skills so that I can cook for y'all when I get back! hehehe...
And ltr today, I'm off to the zoo to observe a bongo!

How un-Malaysian are you?

2006-08-25T11:53:00.000+09:30

Congratulations Chen Qian, you are 28% not Malaysian.

That means you're as Malaysian as...

Michelle Yeoh!

How Un-Malaysian Are You?

I can't believe I'm so un-Malaysian. Although I have to admit, Michelle Yeoh is hot!

Click on the link to see how un-Malaysian you are! Thanks, Kenny!

Welcome!

2006-08-19T01:00:00.000+09:30

It has occured to me that most of you, if not all of you, will probably never get to see my house here in Adelaide. So, I have decided to give you a virtual tour of the house.

So please, step inside, and we'll begin.

All the rooms are on the right side, and on the left side, there are open spaces to sit, and eat or if you're my housemates, to smoke.

Well, this is my near-spotless bathroom.

Left room is Yang's. And mine's on the right. I can't show you his room, but you can have a look-see in mine.

First time I've ever had a queen-size bed all to myself. My landlady even gave me brand-new, unopened sheets! Cool, huh?

My huge work-desk. Which is still not big enough for me...sigh.... oh well. shouldn't complain.

My huge walk-in closet. Which has too much space.

See? I can even put my shoes inside.

Washer and dryer. Door leads to the nxt house. I have two landlords. Each stay in one house. My house is nicer, though. Hehehe.... Seriously. And the dogs move between houses. That's what the doggy door is for.

The dining room, which is hardly ever used for eating.

My often-unused TV which has cable. *note to self - must watch more tv*

Susie's amazing kitchen, which I've been fully utilising to make Yang and Chiam fat. Ok, fine. Me also. It's just that I've only now discovered the joys of cooking/baking, and being appreciated for it. No regrets.

Smoking and breakfast area. It's so nice and sunny in the mornings. We should have a BBQ soon...

I also like to sit outside coz I get to see these lovely flowers in my backyard.

This is all taken with my new handphone, btw.

Everyone say hello to Turbo! Isn't she cute? She likes to stay near the heater, or sunshine. As you can see from the picture below.

She's always hoping for food, though. One of the guys from the next house made the mistake of giving her chicken bones once. And now, every night, she'll sit outside his room, and WAIT for him. Once, Susie said she sat outside for one and a half hours. Sigh.... turbo, turbo...

And this, is Susie's darling, Coburn. Apprarently, she had two dogs before. Dallas and Coburn. Named after Bruce Willis' character in Die Hard, I think... At least, that's the story I heard. Unfortunately Dallas had some throat problem, so, u know.... Anyway! Back to Coburn.

Isn't he cute? Yang thinks he's too stoned though... We're actually very lucky to have dogs around. Most of the students here aren't allowed to have dogs. Probably can't afford it either...so it's nice to have someone who doesn't judge you around here. And some of them like to come over to play with the dogs as well. So we often have company. Which is nice.

Anyway, hope you all had fun. I've already spent too much time blogging. Need to study now! Take care, peeps! Pls leave comments so I know if you've been reading. Love y'all!

Spring cont.

2006-08-19T00:25:00.000+09:30

Sorry, ppl! It's just that I do so love flowers!!!! And it's too expensive to buy them....so we make do. Hehehe....enjoy.

These reminded me of mini cotton-puffs

Here's another for Andy-pandy!

Interesting...didn't know that plants did abstract art...

I thought these looked like rambutans. Don't you agree?

It'S spRinGtimE!!!!

2006-08-15T23:49:00.000+09:30

Due do the abundance of blossoms everywhere and the gorgeous weather which we've been having, adelaide is looking so beautiful! And I can't stop taking pictures! It's really gorgeous! check it out.These were taken on the way to uni from Chiam's place.

This picture is dedicated to Andy-Pandy coz I know how much she loves daisies.

At least, I think they're daisies

This beautiful rose belongs to one of Chiam's neighbours. Couldn't resist....although I was tempted to hold it to stop it from swaying in the wind until I saw its vicious thorns. Scary....

And on-campus....

Pretty, no? Here, have a few more

This is another one of my personal faves.

And somewhere else on campus....

Yes, girls. I know it's very pink.

Again, in another location somewhere around campus...

This tree looks rather cool even though it's bare, ya?

I just thought this tree looked so cute. It looks like an over-sized broccoli. But the trunks are shaped in such a way that you feel u could just sit there and read a book. Rather like a hammock, really.

And this tree...for some reason or other is rather famous. I can't quite remember....something to do with it being old, I think... I'll take a picture of the sign nxt time I pass by there. It's a huge tree. The tallest tree on campus, I think... Looks more "Florida" than "Adelaide", don't you think?

St. Peter's Cathedral

2006-08-15T00:32:00.000+09:30

I know it's been quite awhile since I last posted anything of interest to most of you, so here are some pictures I took while going to St. Peter's Cathedral. The bus from my place doesn't take me all the way to the church, and I had just missed the bus going in that direction, so I decided that I would walk, seeing as I was quite early for the service. I doubt I'll go back there for the service, but if I do, I certainly plan on walking there from now on. Since I don't have a camera, I have to make full use of my handphone. Quality's pretty good, I think.

Pretty flowers along the way

Not very sure what park this is, but it's quite pretty, kan?
The road leading to St. Peter's. Just imagine it in full bloom!
Can you see it?
Almost there now
Voila! I think this is my best picture so far. No? Hehhehe...
Sounds like "penittance", kan?
I thought it was quite cool....what do u think?
Reminds me of St. Mary's, KL. But nicer. Hehe

I know you can't really see the stained glass, but thought I'd put it up anyway.
Interesting pews. Seems like every single one is dedicated to someone.

The church seems to be very, very traditional. I think it's quite a historical landmark in Adelaide. They even have tours of the church. The choir is AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!! I think they have more than one...coz before the service began, they said that this week's service would have the Gregorian choir. And they actually use incense and fling it around in this container hanging on a chain. Not sure what they're called though. It's quite a show, actually. They try very hard to preserve these traditions. Nice service. But I just don't feel like I can really worship there. It's fine if you feel like going for a concert or something. They sing twice as much of the service as we do. Most of the prayers, and even some of the bible passages are sung by the choir. I think they sing in Latin... couldn't understand a word except for "Hosanna". Hehehe... However, even with that much singing, their service lasted for 1 hour? 1 hour and 10 minutes, tops. I was rather surprised. The church has a pipe organ (of course), and in the church itinerary, I noticed something rather unusual. They actually have bellringing practice!!!!! I didn't really think you had to practice much for that.... Just get a little boy to "hang in there". Quite amusing... After the serviceI walked back to the city and was supposed to meet a friend for lunch. But I got lost, and ended up walking for an entire hour, and I lost 1 kg. YAY!!!!! And no, I don't want to get lost again. It's quite freaky when you end up on some road where there's NOBODY. *Cue scary music* Jeng-jeng-jeng!!! Ok, nvm. It's late. I'm going off to bed now. PPL!!!! LeaVe COMmENtS!!!!

An apology

2006-08-13T02:13:00.000+09:30

To my dearest friend, Selina.

I have been trying to get in touch with you, but it seems terribly difficult. And I don't know why, but writing an email doesn't seem to cut it. I have a confession to make.
I know you are going to be angry with me, and probably more upset than anything else. And you'll probably never, ever buy me any more presents my entire life (and I wouldnt' blame you). But the most beautiful gloves that I've seen or possessed is...well...gone.
I am truly sorry, and I want you to know that it's not because I don't appreciate the presents you give me because I truly did love them. It fell out of my pockets when I was on the bus on my first day in Adelaide. And yes, I was too chicken to tell you. And yeah, I could always make up excuses, but I'd feel awful if I didn't confess.
I feel terrible. Still do. Damn sakit hati. They really were beautiful.
I know this is not much of a consolation, but the other present you gave me is now hanging in my room. And the letter is in a safe place. I'm really, really sorry.
I hope you'll forgive me.
I miss you and all the girls so much.

From,
A very-very-sorry-little-hobbit.

p.s. Guys, shaddap.
Girls, I'm sorry if I ever lost anything of yours. (yes, swen. I know. I'm also really, really sorry abt Neil Gaiman. Seriously).

2006-07-30T23:35:00.000+09:30

welcome to AdelaidE!

2006-07-26T13:09:00.000+09:30

I've sent out a few emails to some of you updating you on what's been going on so far. But admittedly, it must be quite boring without some pictures to go with it. So here you go!

This is just one of the buildings on campus. I thought it looked pretty cool. Especially the entrace. And it was a beautiful day out, so I took a couple more photos.

Doesn't Chiam look so funny here? heheehhe

We took a bus down to town. And here's what I saw from the bus. I'm sorry, but I was just thinking it would be a total joke to have that in kl. The poor pedestrian would probably get run down!

In true Swen style, I have started taking pictures of food that I eat. You see that roti-canai looking thing on the right hand side? well, it's actually dumplings. We couldn't distinguish it at first. So on the left side, that's what it looks like minus the top-crust. We had taufu, kong po kai, and chinese tea! Man, i do so love tea.... Whatever you do, don't order the taufu, ok? We ate at this restaurant somewhere around chinatown. Apparently there are quite a lot of nice and cheap places to eat ard here. But cooking is still the cheapest option. I can't believe we bought 1kg of bacon for $6!!!

It was Chiam's birthday on the 21st (Fri), so we all went out on Sunday evening, to Cafe Primo's. Very small, warm cafe which serves Italian food. I always can't help but notice that Adrian is always very happy when he eats. Really! I can just watch him eat. He's damn cute. hehehe (adrian's the guy in purple, btw). So in total, there was abt 20 of us there. It was practically a HELP reunion! Hehehe

Don't Ashley and I look alike? Hehehe

Chiam cooked dinner the other night. We had steak and boiled potatoes with veggies. Looks good, kan?

After that it was my turn to cook, so I baked pasta. unfortunately, we didn't buy short pasta. So what do you do? you make your long pasta short.

Ta-da! Short pasta!

Ok, i'm damn malas to upload pics already, so it's just regular updates now.
Well, there isn't really much to see around Adelaide. Just quite a lot to shop. Sigh....shopping here will be the end of me! It's sales now, and I'm so tempted to buy everything!
ooh! one last pic before I go!

I am now the proud owner of this Motorola V3X! Ok, ok. the msg-ing still takes some getting used to, but in general, it's not bad. At least a WHOLE lot better than my old phone la, ok?
ok, i'm tired already. This post has taken me ages to write.
Ltr, peeps!

A change in addresS

2006-07-21T12:14:00.000+09:30

Welcome to my new blog! Hopefully Xanga won't kick my ass. But anyway, here we are. This is just a test-post. We'll see how it looks, and i'll update a lil later when I have time.