The Hobbit

I Hate Running

Monday, October 10, 2011

I hate running.
I really do.

I think it's something to do with not pacing myself well.
The feeling like my heart is going to burst and the itch on my legs is almost unbearable at times.

I've managed to successfully dodge RunNat for 2 years now.
Each time I do it, I always wind up feeling a tinge of regret.
"You're such a wimp. Can't you even do 5km?" my conscience jeers.

So somehow, I stumbled into this year's run.
Due to a new-Christian friend's child-like enthusiasm.
Though I largely blame myself for inviting him to Coalition 58's concert at the Dream Centre.

And I know.
I could have said "No".

But I have this weird way of thinking about stuff I don't want to do.
Stuff I'm afraid to do.

Somehow, I always feel, that it's God's way of nudging me to do it.
So I did it anyway.

And so this very reluctant participant woke up on Saturday morning, the 8th of October 2011 to run.
Very grudgingly.

While I was on the way there, I was still arguing with God in my head.
"I can pray at home what. I don't need to run. EVERYBODY says it's NOT about the run. So why should I run?"

Deep down inside, I knew, in some way, it IS about the run.
Maybe not for Victor, the founder of RunNat.
Maybe not for the committee, or the ambassadors.
Maybe not even for the nation.
But for me, it would be.

You see, I always ask myself, "What price are you willing to pay?"
I was willing to start my working life in an NGO.
I was willing to march the streets of KL to fight for clean and fair elections.
I was willing to shower an old lady who could no longer clean herself.
I was willing to teach a child with learning disabilities.
I was willing to learn to love someone that the world deems unlovely.
But I was just too lazy to run 5km.

Does that seem strange to you?

I guess at the end of the day, we all have to pay a price.
Because if it costs you nothing, then perhaps it isn't worth anything either.

But King David said to Ornan, "No, but I will buy them for the full price. I will not take for the LORD what is yours, nor offer burnt offerings that cost me nothing." 1 Chronicles 21: 24

How can I ask of the Lord to bring truth, righteousness and justice to a nation that needs healing, when I'm not willing to get out of my own armchair?

David,acknowledged his sin, and in his repentance, looked to God, and paid the price.
Am I willing to take up this cross, to confess and ask for God's mercy and forgiveness for Malaysia?
Am I willing to pay the price, of literally pouring my sweat into this?

Honestly speaking, He already IS at work, and He doesn't NEED me to run and pray for the nation.
God ALREADY has Malaysia in His heart and has great, wonderful, indescribable, unfathomable plans to redeem it.

But the running and the praying is for me.
I'm the one who needs it.

I never would have realized how focused I can be when I run and pray at the same time.
I never would have stopped and realized that actually, there's quite a lot of greenery right next to the highway.
I never would have gotten the chance to be "plastered" on a road sign.
I never would have imagined I can actually conquer the hill that is Jalan Maarof.
I mean hey, even my car has difficulty climbing that hill.

Have I changed my mind about running?
Not totally.

But it's a reminder to me, that I shouldn't cheapen my offering.
A token of convenience isn't something I want to waste my time giving.

Incidentally, NOT doing something, also comes at a price.

I counted the cost.
And to me, it was worth it.