Another random post
Saturday, January 20, 2007

Since I have not been posting up stuff for almost 2 months now, I've decided to take snippets out of my journal and post them up.

I suppose the best place to start is OCF Convention, Melbourne, 2006. If any of you decide to go to Australia to study, go for convention. It is really a life-changing experience.

I am afraid, Lord. Of what, I do not know. I'm not at peace. and I do not know why.

I know You are here. Thank You for giving me strength for another day. I must learn to appreciate the weather. After all, where else can I experience four seasons in one day? Hehe... (Melbourne weather is so erratic. It's cold in the morning, hot in the afternoon, and windy almost all the time! It's pretty amazing, I think.)
Thank You, for Chiam and the encouragement he's been to me. He's like a different person here, and yet familiar. Grant him the wisdom and understanding he so desires.
Thank You, for choosing us, Lord. And I thank You that You loved us enough to give us the freedom to choose You as well.

I know that You are the only constant in my life. Thank You for Your faithfulness. Thank You for the name You have given me. I will obey Your call, Lord. Help me to bring hope to Your people, that they will trust in something real and true. Not horoscopes and crystals, or tarot cards, of which man becomes god. Help me to love. To TRULY love, as You do.

You have promised that if I draw near to You, You will draw near to me. Come closer, Father. Help me to be quiet, to hear Your still, small whisper. Make my will Your will. That I will think and feel the way that You do. Lord, break my heart, with the things that break Your heart. Give me the right words, Father. That I will have the wisdom to know how to pray and what to pray for. Help me to trust in the unchanging truth about Your undying love.

When I come home to M'sia for the holidays, I know that I may not receive the welcome I desire. But help me to have an eternal perspective, that I may know of the welcome I will receive when I finally meet You.

I will call, and the Lord will answer. I will cry for help, and You will say: Here am I. (Isaiah 58:9).

Just as the Father can build up, He can destroy. Help me to live a life that is holy and pleasing in Your sight. I don't want You to just be an idea. Be real to me, Father. Be that "person" to me. Not just an idea, a concept. The same spirit that lives in those I admire is the same spirit that lives in me.

You have honoured me, Lord. You have given me a great and wonderful gift. You paid such a precious price for my soul. An unworthy, selfish being I am. And yet, You call me by name.I do not deserve anything that You have given, and yet You bless me abundantly. You have paid the highest cost with Your only Son's tears, blood and all the love You can give. I have nothing to give. What I have is not my own. I am not my own.

Thank You for being so close, that You have caught every single tear that I have shed. Imagine! How close You must be to me.

Chiam prayed today.

To make a lasting impact, we do not need to know a great many things, but a few great things and be willing to live and die for it.

Will you call me to share the inheritance of Your kingdom? I wonder about it sometimes. What if You say to me that You never knew me? I wonder if I actually DO know You. I'm sorry, Father. When will I ever get it? Will I ever really, truly know You? When will I find what I seek? Will I know what pleases Your heart? Will I be able to say at the end of my life that I really knew You? Maybe I don't have to reach heaven. If I'm seperated from You in eternity, at least now, You are with me, in this life. And maybe that's enough. For surely, that is already more grace than I deserve.

Thank You for redeeming us back Yourself. To redeem: To call back. To purchase. Antonym: Abandon. Often, I find we use jargon that we don't really understand, but think that we do. Thank You, for giving us that we may increase our knowledge and wisdom. =)

There is a greater need for You each and ever day. Each day, the need builds up. There is more to pray for, more to learn. A greater thirst each time I drink. And if I do not drink, I feel parched and restless.

It's Christmas Eve today. I can't wait to go home. But at the same time, I'm afraid. If I go back, maybe You won't be so real to me anymore. I need to trust You. Help me to hear Your voice amidst the clamour of KL.

A baby so beautiful and sweet, has come, my soul to keep.
come now, sweet Saviour, into this heart of mine.
Great joy You bring, this eve of birth to hope.
Thank You, dear Lord, for touching my hardened heart.
For the love You give,
No other can dream.
More precious than jewels and gems,
Thank You, Father, for this precious gift.
The coming of a newborn King. Amen.

Well, that should keep you all happy for now, I hope.
And I know I'm no poet la...but it was heart-felt. I hope you all had a joyous and meaningful Christmas. May the Lord be with You in the "new" year, and for many more years to come (hopefully).


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