Maybe I'm not Crazy
Thursday, October 25, 2007


I came to a realization today.
I. Am. A. Control. Freak.
Guess who I wanted to control?
Yup, that's right.
God.

Of all the bodoh things, right?
Even though I may want good things, I can't demand that God give them to me.

I want to be more passionate. I want more joy. I need more patience, God! I want to feel loved, I don't feel You, I want to be closer, I want, I want, I want!!!! Faster!!! Why You're still not here wan??? You said if I come near, You will also be near what!!!!

Man.... I must sound like a total brat to God.

If you pick up Rick Warren's 'Purpose-Driven Life', the first line is this: "It's not about you". And people buy this book! It's madness, isn't it? And yet, so true. Sigh... Qian... when will you see?

My darling friend said, you CAN'T manipulate God. Although it is TRUE that God will draw near to you if you draw near to Him, He doesn't say WHEN.

Not only am I a control freak. I'm such an ungrateful being. Out of God's grace does He give good gifts. Who am I to demand them? They are, ultimately, a gift. How can I say that what He has given me thus far is not sufficient?

I am governed so much by my emotions, that I forget the truth. The truth that He IS there. Despite how I feel. And He loves me. And HE wants to reach out to ME.

For we walk by faith, not by sight. I have to trust that His timing is perfect.

1 Comments:

Anonymous Sarah said...

YO Yo!
I dun quite agree with your friend on the part of "he dosen't say when" Coz its not true that he is not near to you yesterday and today he is near to you. rite?

I made the mistake of always wanting to "feel" God. But he being near does not equate to our human understanding of feel..YOu get wat i mean?

Stop struggling and be still..
KNow that he is GOd.

*hugs*

November 7, 2007 at 10:41 AM

 

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