So, I just finished watching the second season of Prison Break. My reaction? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How can it end like that???????? I really hope season 3 comes out soon!!!! I think there was only a 3 month gap between the end of the first season and the start of the second. So I'm crossing my fingers.
Anyway, just a random thought that occured today. Jason ends his term in Ireland sometime this year. Now, while I probably won't come into contact with him all that much, I realize that when all of us are back in KL, he might get involved in the picture. And it'll be back to square one on that drawing board. So all I could do was sigh. I mean, what else can I do, right? I can't stop people communicating with each other. I guess I just haven't totally forgiven him yet. Although there's really nothing to forgive. Why am I still so bitter? I suppose I'll always be jealous of the fact that I will never have the kind of friendship I had hoped for with him. Which is ok, I guess, except that it affects my friendship with other ppl. Which makes things awkward and uncomfortable. Sucks.
Aside from that, the sleepover was nice. Fun to talk abt girly stuff. But when the conversation turns to guys, I still feel....well. Nice to hear sweet stories. But what about me? I wish I were still 'entitled' to talk about them. But that's just dwelling on the past. And everybody hates that. You hate it. And other people around you hate it. Everybody gets tired of hearing THE story. Like, HELLO! Your story is over! It ended already! *Qian comes to a sad realization*
I had a thought today. I keep thinking about how I wish I had been nicer to Chiam. He deserved so much more. He was sweet, patient and kind. Even when he was angry, he was so patient, he never shouted, he never swore. I wish I had been more like him. How I must've hurt him... And I guess that somehow, I realize that while I loved him enough to marry him, I don't have the characteristics that would make a good wife. Someone who is selfless, patient, kind, respectful, gentle, loving. I'm none of those things. Sigh... There's a really nice picture of me and chiam one year ago just before he came to Adelaide. I don't have a digital image, so I had to take a picture of a picture.
Don't we look so happy there? (And extremely young. I look like I aged abt 5 years in one). I actually used to be a very cheerful and friendly person. Now, it takes great effort for me to meet new people, and I can hardly say that I'm cheerful. In fact, I'm like a walking wet blanket. Depressed, with gloomy thunderclouds above my head wherever I go. At least, I think so. Although a lot of people couldn't tell that I had undergone a break-up. Good acting skills, ey? ;)
To top all of these emotions off, I feel like I'm such a whiner. I don't know what's wrong. I feel as if I wanna talk, but I don't know what to talk abt. I'd feel like I'm complaining too much. As it is, I feel like I'm making such a big deal out of it. Half the time, I'm expecting someone to tell me to get over it, grow up, move on. So far, nothing of the sort has happened. None of my friends have proven to be so impatient or unkind. And yet, I expect them to be. Maybe I'M just impatient for me to get over it.
I also feel like, I should be contributing more. Taking up responsibility. I don't know if it's because the opportunity never came, the timing wasn't right, or I have to go looking for areas to serve. I mean, I don't wanna come across as arrogant. I mean, it's not like I'm gonna do such an amazing job. But I wanna contribute, I guess. Aish. I don't know what I want la. I want my life to be simple. God, can't you just speak in a booming voice, and tell me exactly what I should do? Either that, or give me more wisdom and discernment so I know what to do. Please. I need clear-cut instructions. That would be great. Add that to the wisdom of Solomon, and maybe the looks of Jessica Alba, and I've got it made. Perfect combination. *Cheesy smile* _____________________________________________________________________________________ Song of the moment:
We belong together
I didn't mean it When I said I didn't love you so I should have held on tight I never should've let you go I didn't know nothing I was stupid I was foolish I was lying to myself I couldn't have fathomed that I would ever Be without your love Never imagined I'd be Sitting here beside myself
'Guess I didn't know you 'Guess I didn't know me But I thought I knew everything I never felt The feeling that I'm feeling Now that I don't Hear your voice Or have your touch and kiss your lips 'Cause I don't have a choice Oh, what I wouldn't give To have you lying by my side Right here, 'cause baby
[Chorus:] When you left I lost a part of me It's still so hard to believe Come back baby please, 'cause We belong together Who else am I gonna lean on When times get rough? Who's gonna talk to me on the phone Till the sun comes up? Who's gonna take your place? There ain't nobody better Oh baby, baby We belong together
I can't sleep at night When you are on my mind Bobby Womack's on the radio Singing to me 'If you think you're lonely now' Wait a minute This is too deep, too deep I gotta change the station So I turn the dial Trying to catch a break And then I hear Babyface I only think of you And it's breaking my heart I'm trying to keep it together But I'm falling apart I'm feeling all out of my element I'm throwing things Crying Trying to figure out Where the hell I went wrong The pain reflected in this song Ain't even half of what I'm feeling inside I need you Need you back in my life (in my life, in my life), baby
[Repeat chorus] When you left I lost a part of me It's still so hard to believe Come back, baby, please, 'cause We belong together Who am I gonna lean on When times get rough? Who's gonna talk to me Till the sun comes up? Who's gonna take your place? There ain't nobody better. Oh baby, baby We belong together
Welcome to this hobbit's habitat. Yes, I am short, but I don't have furry feet, ok? thank you very much. I love to sing, and dance. Love coffee, and music (anything but heavy metal). Please leave comments!!!